Since it has been a while since my last post, why not make this one serious? Yeah, I know but sometimes I simply feel the need. This topic is something I've talked about with family and close friends about several times over the years, and it came up on Easter during a talk and I thought I'd share my thoughts on a larger stage. It's very possible that I'll come across as racist or homophobic or something along those lines. I guess there's not getting around that, but take my word that I am not ignorant and I do not hate faceless masses of people simply because they belong to a certain social or ethnic group. I've printed my disclaimer, now I'll get on with it. The topic in question is a law, or laws, commonly referred to as Hate Crimes.
For those who don't read newspapers or watch the NEWS, allow me to define Hate Crime. A hate crime, aka bias motivated crime, is a crime which is specifically targeted at an individual or individuals of a certain social group. Furthermore the perpetrators of these crimes are seeking not only to harm an individual, but also to instill fear and intimidation to other members of the group. There, a concise definition to work with.
Now, the laws associated with Hate Crimes first seek to define malice in the act towards the victim and then to appropriately punish the offender who committed not only a crime, but a crime which is "thought to inflict greater individual and societal harm" (Chief Justice Rehnquist). At this point you may be wondering if I'm about to make the argument for or against this classification of criminal activity. Well for those who read this blog regularly, you could probably guess that it's not going to be for. For the rest, allow me to state my view in no uncertain terms: These laws are un-American and place the rights, and even lives, of certain individuals on a higher plane than others.
Some people will go no further than the adjective un-American and say, "Oh here we go, another gun toting, NASCAR watching, Budweiser swilling redneck from the south trying to get his narrow mind around a much bigger issue." If you're one of those people, good for you. I don't own a gun, I despise NASCAR (check my second ever post on here for more on that), I don't mind Bud Light but I don't like Bud Heavy (as we up here call it) and I'm a New Englander whose mind is far from narrow, fuck you very much. Now that I've got that rebuke out of the way, allow me to continue.
As to the first part of this law, deciding if it was a hate crime or not, it's clear that the only prerequisite would be for the victim to be a minority, gay, or of the opposite gender from the accused. Yeah, I said it. For the second part, the punishment, this is where the un-American comes into play. Essentially, it's like Double Jeopardy. A buzzer goes off, music is played for dramatic effect and a whole new board full of increased penalties take the place of the previous penalties which would have been fine if the guy had only beat on a "normie" like me, but he didn't. The system is, for all intents and purposes, simply a penalty enhancement for people convicted of specifically targeted crimes. If you get in a bar fight with me (a WASP) and call me white trash or cracker or trailer trash, something like this, you're going to go to jail for 16 months. Because you were tougher than me and handed me a beating I may very well have deserved. If you get into a bar fight with a latin immigrant and call him a dirty Mexican, it was a racially motivate beating and you're going to prison for 3-5 years. Because you were tougher than him and handed him a beating her may very well have deserved. I'm making this up but you can see how it works.
So the two major problems I have are these: 1) Any crime committed against someone of an ethnic or sexual minority can easily fall into the Hate Crime category. 2) Why is it worse to beat up or insult or kill a minority than a white boy or girl or anyone NOT covered by the statute?
Example time. A girl is having drinks in a bar with friends and a drunk asshole walks by and grabs her ass. She tells him to cut it out and he grabs it again. She slaps him across the face and then knees him in the groin. What are people going to say? 'Atta girl, way to teach that prick a lesson he won't soon forget. And I wholeheartedly agree, she did the right thing and she should be given a pat on the back and I'd buy her a drink for it. But lets say it was a guy out with buddies having drinks, and a gay guy walks by and grabs his ass. Why would he do that? Maybe he thought the guy was also gay. Maybe it was an accident. Or maybe, he just wanted to fuck with the guy because he thought he could. So the guy tells him to cut it out or he'll kick his ass. The gay guy thinks he's lying, so he grabs his ass again and maybe pulls him towards himself. At this point the straight gentleman makes good on his promise and hands him a solid beating. I say good for him, this was no less an example of sexual harassment than the man grabbing the girl. I'll also say this: if a dude starts touching me and getting all up in my shit, I don't care how gay/straight/big/weak he is, I'm gonna do my best to kick his ass. Ignorant and violent? Maybe. But it's undeniable that few things teach you a quicker, more effective lesson than getting your ass kicked. I promise you that and if you don't believe me go try it. A man can walk around with any explanation he wants, but if your face is bruised and your knuckles aren't, your battle scars will sing the song of your defeat 24/7 until you're humbled or they're gone. Anyway, I say the guy did the right thing to teach a guy walking around conducting himself inappropriately a lesson, the courts say his actions were motivated by a deep seeded hatred and extreme intolerance. Or, maybe he doesn't like guys grabbing his ass.
But of course, the bigger issue here is why certain groups are given what are frequently termed as "special rights". You can argue all you want, but that fact of the matter remains that under Hate Crime jurisdiction, my life may not warrant the same level of reprimand, if taken, as a homosexual, or a black person, or a Jew, etc. The funny thing is, I remember reading a document somewhere that was supposed to be important, and it stated "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." Not, all men are created equal except men who like other men. Not, all men are created equal unless their ancestors are from a different country. Contradictions of slavery aside (at the time of that document I mean), this country was founded to be a level playing field for all men. I don't care about rich vs poor or any of that bleeding heart shit, not for this argument. What I'm saying here is that our laws are serving to uphold and even strengthen racism, sexism, and every other ism by granting exclusive rights to these individuals. Laws can't make people think a certain way, they can't change biases or prejudices. They can enforce them, which is what I believe Hate Crime laws succeed at doing. But you can't tell a man or woman, Think like this, and expect it to work.
Hate Crimes are a failure of bureaucracy, a weak attempt to bring down walls of division and lessen these barriers by creating laws to point out differences between people. It hasn't worked, it doesn't work, and it never will work. To look at a murder and say, you deserve extra punishment because you did it for the wrong reasons is preposterous. Violent crimes are violent crimes. Of course there was malice, of course there was hatred, of course there was evil at work. These are inherent in the nature of violent crime, why should we classify the act by breaking down the motivations? Is a man dead? It was murder. Premeditated or not, a dead person is dead because of another person's actions. It's completely redundant to say the person was killed because the killer hated them. This is obvious, people do not murder people they don't have any problem with.
Whether you agree or disagree, I invite you to think about the unfair nature of Hate Crime laws. You can claim they're necessary to battle ingorance, but I'd contend that you're ignorant to think this is an effective weapon for that battle. How about this, here's an exercise to test your resolve on this matter. Think of someone you know who would never be considered a victim of a hate crime. Perhaps a young, white, straight, male from a middle class background. Someone close to you. I'll think of myself or a member of my family. Now imagine someone murdering them for any reason at all. They catch the person who murdered them and now you're in court waiting for the verdict. But before it is reached another case has to be concluded. In this case a white man killed a black homosexual man and robbed him. The case had been declared a horrible Hate Crime and the man is sentenced to 35 years to life in a maximum security prison. You feel excited watching this, because you believe your killer will be equally punished, and deservedly so. Then the time comes that they announce his guilt and sentence him, for killing your loved one, to 200 months in prison with the possibility of parole. That's about 16.6 years. But why would his life be deemed only worth of 16 or 17 years if the man just before this one had been given twice that much time for the same offense? Well, to put it frankly, he was in the wrong social group at the wrong time. I'd be very interested to hear a convincing argument that this a fair and valid way to run our legal system.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The Soundtrack of our Lives
So a couple nights ago on my way home from work (commute of about 40 mins) it occurred to me that maybe it was time for a new CD. I've had the same 6 in my changer for months now. Actually...in a strange twist of fate this idea came about because I was listening to a new CD. Allow me to explain.
On Friday night a few of my friends and I went to Hooters. For the food, of course; they make a mean buffalo chicken sandwich. Nah, I'm kidding, we went to see if there were any hot new waitresses because we hadn't been in a while. But we told the girls we went with that we were going because they make a mean buffalo chicken sandwich. Anyway, there was a local radio station doing giveaways at the restaurant. And because I'm a winner, I won. Also...pretty much everyone else at Hooters won too. There was a large assortment of useless items and under a t-shirt I saw a CD. Since I'm not in the habit of wearing sweet one size fits all shirts with radio station logos on them, I grabbed it. Anyway, I was psyched because it was a band I'd actually heard of and I really liked some of their stuff.
I'm going to make a long story short here and say that I put the disc in my player in my car and listened to the entire thing. Perhaps suffered through is a more appropriate way to phrase it. Knowing that a lot of times it takes me a couple of times to really like a new CD, I even listened to the whole thing a second time. After the final song came to an end for the second time I realized why that CD had been on the table to give away. It sucks. A lot. A really, really lot. I'm not going to say who the band was (Silverchair) or what the CD was called (Young Modern), but if you somehow know which one I'm talking about, avoid it like the plague.
After being dismayed at the incredible shitfest that my new CD turned out to be, I thought maybe I should just make one of my own for the first time in a while. So I got online, made a tentative list of songs I'd like to have on my disc, and got to work narrowing it down and putting the songs in order so that it flowed properly. Oh, and then I illegally downloaded every last one of them. Go to hell Lars Ulrich. Pleased with myself, I put the CD in my car the next morning and drove to work. I was completely unprepared for the aural orgasm I was about to experience. And experience it I did. Such was magical, musical journey, that by the time I got to work I was actually excited to be there. Excited to start my day. At this point I feel it pertinent to explain that I am not a morning person and it takes me a good 20 minutes to warm up after showing up at work. After those 20 minutes pass, you are welcome to talk to me. Just don't expect too much, because I'm probably still not in a great mood.
So I got to work excited, but it faded throughout the day and just as I thought I would fall asleep it was lunchtime. So I hopped in my car to go grab a bite and much to my delight, my CD was still raging. So I listened to it on the way to the store and then listened to it on the way back and I'll be damned if I wasn't just as psyched about life getting back to work as I had been in the morning. This was no mere CD, it was a soundtrack crafted by the music gods.
I have since listened to the CD a couple more times and each time I get out of my car looking like I just banged Jessica Alba. Alright, the CD's not THAT good. But maybe...like I'd just banged Ashley Simpson. She's not drop dead gorgeous, and you know you aren't planting a flag, but still, she's famous enough to make it exciting. I'm not sure how long the magic will last, but I'll enjoy it while it does. When it does fade, I'll still have a damn good mixed CD that works equally well for long drives by myself or rocking out with a group of friends. I'm sure a lot of people consider this a trivial matter, one not worth noting. But it's the little things that get us through the days and weeks, small victories. Music is a huge part of my life because it provides me with a soundtrack to live by. Few things can incite fits of nostalgia like a song you haven't heard in a decade. They bring you right back. And if I managed to create a soundtrack out of thin air (so to speak) for this point in my life that also has the power to uplift me, maybe that isn't such a small victory after all.
On Friday night a few of my friends and I went to Hooters. For the food, of course; they make a mean buffalo chicken sandwich. Nah, I'm kidding, we went to see if there were any hot new waitresses because we hadn't been in a while. But we told the girls we went with that we were going because they make a mean buffalo chicken sandwich. Anyway, there was a local radio station doing giveaways at the restaurant. And because I'm a winner, I won. Also...pretty much everyone else at Hooters won too. There was a large assortment of useless items and under a t-shirt I saw a CD. Since I'm not in the habit of wearing sweet one size fits all shirts with radio station logos on them, I grabbed it. Anyway, I was psyched because it was a band I'd actually heard of and I really liked some of their stuff.
I'm going to make a long story short here and say that I put the disc in my player in my car and listened to the entire thing. Perhaps suffered through is a more appropriate way to phrase it. Knowing that a lot of times it takes me a couple of times to really like a new CD, I even listened to the whole thing a second time. After the final song came to an end for the second time I realized why that CD had been on the table to give away. It sucks. A lot. A really, really lot. I'm not going to say who the band was (Silverchair) or what the CD was called (Young Modern), but if you somehow know which one I'm talking about, avoid it like the plague.
After being dismayed at the incredible shitfest that my new CD turned out to be, I thought maybe I should just make one of my own for the first time in a while. So I got online, made a tentative list of songs I'd like to have on my disc, and got to work narrowing it down and putting the songs in order so that it flowed properly. Oh, and then I illegally downloaded every last one of them. Go to hell Lars Ulrich. Pleased with myself, I put the CD in my car the next morning and drove to work. I was completely unprepared for the aural orgasm I was about to experience. And experience it I did. Such was magical, musical journey, that by the time I got to work I was actually excited to be there. Excited to start my day. At this point I feel it pertinent to explain that I am not a morning person and it takes me a good 20 minutes to warm up after showing up at work. After those 20 minutes pass, you are welcome to talk to me. Just don't expect too much, because I'm probably still not in a great mood.
So I got to work excited, but it faded throughout the day and just as I thought I would fall asleep it was lunchtime. So I hopped in my car to go grab a bite and much to my delight, my CD was still raging. So I listened to it on the way to the store and then listened to it on the way back and I'll be damned if I wasn't just as psyched about life getting back to work as I had been in the morning. This was no mere CD, it was a soundtrack crafted by the music gods.
I have since listened to the CD a couple more times and each time I get out of my car looking like I just banged Jessica Alba. Alright, the CD's not THAT good. But maybe...like I'd just banged Ashley Simpson. She's not drop dead gorgeous, and you know you aren't planting a flag, but still, she's famous enough to make it exciting. I'm not sure how long the magic will last, but I'll enjoy it while it does. When it does fade, I'll still have a damn good mixed CD that works equally well for long drives by myself or rocking out with a group of friends. I'm sure a lot of people consider this a trivial matter, one not worth noting. But it's the little things that get us through the days and weeks, small victories. Music is a huge part of my life because it provides me with a soundtrack to live by. Few things can incite fits of nostalgia like a song you haven't heard in a decade. They bring you right back. And if I managed to create a soundtrack out of thin air (so to speak) for this point in my life that also has the power to uplift me, maybe that isn't such a small victory after all.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Quick Announcement
Just a quick post here to announce that I'm now listed on VerveEarth. I was contacted by a member of the team for the website and after checking it out I was impressed with what I saw. Basically its a site that is attempting to create a map of the internet by listing interesting sites by location on a map of the world. I recommend checking it out, there's a link to the right on this page.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Bumper...Tickers?
Well as I'm sure absolutely everyone is aware of by now, '08 is an election year. If you missed the relentless campaign ads, myriad political signs and overly enthusiastic roadside supporters, you can always tell an election is near from another source: bumper stickers. Now, I'm not sure who decided it, or when it happened, but somewhere along the line people decided that there was no more appropriate, nor more convenient, place to express their deepest held beliefs and opinions than on the back of their car. Rednecks everywhere must be proud as hell.
Obama, Hillary, McCain, Huckabee, Paul. The names are plastered across the backs of cars all across America. And it's a damn good thing too. If it weren't for multitudes of names driving past me everyday on my way to work and to the movies and pretty much anywhere else I go, I don't think I'd know who to vote for. Luckily, such a problem does not exist. Selfless patriots for democracy all across my state, and indeed the country, have stepped forward to display their choice for the next leader of our country. I'm glad they have. In my car I keep a running tally and you'd better believe I'm casting my vote for the candidate whose name adorned the back of the most vehicles on the highways I travel. But not only have they displayed the name of the candidate they wish to compel me to vote for, they are clearly making a statement about the adversities we are facing as a nation, as well as the convictions and philosophical ideals they hold most dear. Dammit these protectors of our democratic institution should be given a second vote for caring so much. So from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to say to everyone out there who currently (or has ever) put a political bumper sticker on the back of their vehicle this: Nobody cares. So go to hell and get out of my way so I can get where I need to go without your views blinding me on the way there.
Let me make my views clear so there is no misunderstanding: Using a $2.99 bumper sticker to voice your opinions on complex topics such as politics, religion and philosophy is about the dumbest thing an intelligent individual can attempt to accomplish. Likewise, it's not a great option for legitimately stupid people either. I've never really understood the idea here to be honest. Oh I think that politician over on that side of the political spectrum is full of shit. To show my dismay I'm going to voice my support for this candidate over here on this side of the political spectrum who I think just might be slightly less full of shit. Ok, so then what? Do these people really just want everyone to know who they're going to vote for? Maybe, I mean it's not completely out of the question I suppose. But it's unlikely. It's unlikely because many people guard this information with every fiber of their being, scared that it could cause one of those horrible, confrontational political debates that seem to happen when you announce who it is you're going to vote for. Perhaps they do it so that they can get the word out for their candidate, free advertising for the person they think is the best choice. In some strange way perhaps they think they're actually influencing the votes of random people who see their car and think, Hey, that's a nice car. Would ya look at that? The owner of that car is voting for Hillary Clinton this year. Shucks, that's good enough for me. Hillary it is? I mean c'mon. Seems even more unlikely. But I'm sure that people asked this question would answer with something similar to this. But what's the truth?
Well even though ostensibly these people are simply proud to support a particular candidate (and I'm sure a small percentage are), I think there are ulterior motives here. Call me cynical, but I do. I think people use political bumper stickers as a conspicuous proclamation that they not only understand the essence of a very complicated political system (and believe me, it is complicated), but they also genuinely care. That's right, I'm saying people have these dumbass bumper stickers on their cars so they can bitch in the future and feel justified and furthermore so that they can have a free membership to the "I'm involved and I care" club. It's kind of like driving a hybrid. It's fashionable.
Don't get me wrong, I'm basically against all bumper stickers, not just political ones. I have many reasons but one is that I'm a car guy and I can't imagine defacing my vehicle by putting a bigass sticker with a stupid statement on it. The other is that they just don't do a damn thing. As I stated previously, if you have a serious statement and you think you can fit it within the confines of a six inch sticker, go ahead. But you're probably wrong. That having been said, I thought I'd finish off my sharing a few bumper stickers I actually did enjoy. Why did I enjoy these particular choices after shitting on bumper stickers for several paragraphs? Because they made me laugh, pure and simple. Enjoy:
-Jesus Loves You. But everyone else thinks you're an asshole-
-A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory-
-Impotence: Natures way of saying "No Hard Feelings"-
-I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person-
-You! Out of the gene pool!-
-Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat-
-My feminine side is lesbian-
-I read about the evils of beer, so I quit reading-
-I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like his passenger-
I didn't say they were genius, I just said they made me laugh. Now go outside and take that damn bumper sticker off your car so I don't almost get in an accident trying to read it. Again.
Obama, Hillary, McCain, Huckabee, Paul. The names are plastered across the backs of cars all across America. And it's a damn good thing too. If it weren't for multitudes of names driving past me everyday on my way to work and to the movies and pretty much anywhere else I go, I don't think I'd know who to vote for. Luckily, such a problem does not exist. Selfless patriots for democracy all across my state, and indeed the country, have stepped forward to display their choice for the next leader of our country. I'm glad they have. In my car I keep a running tally and you'd better believe I'm casting my vote for the candidate whose name adorned the back of the most vehicles on the highways I travel. But not only have they displayed the name of the candidate they wish to compel me to vote for, they are clearly making a statement about the adversities we are facing as a nation, as well as the convictions and philosophical ideals they hold most dear. Dammit these protectors of our democratic institution should be given a second vote for caring so much. So from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to say to everyone out there who currently (or has ever) put a political bumper sticker on the back of their vehicle this: Nobody cares. So go to hell and get out of my way so I can get where I need to go without your views blinding me on the way there.
Let me make my views clear so there is no misunderstanding: Using a $2.99 bumper sticker to voice your opinions on complex topics such as politics, religion and philosophy is about the dumbest thing an intelligent individual can attempt to accomplish. Likewise, it's not a great option for legitimately stupid people either. I've never really understood the idea here to be honest. Oh I think that politician over on that side of the political spectrum is full of shit. To show my dismay I'm going to voice my support for this candidate over here on this side of the political spectrum who I think just might be slightly less full of shit. Ok, so then what? Do these people really just want everyone to know who they're going to vote for? Maybe, I mean it's not completely out of the question I suppose. But it's unlikely. It's unlikely because many people guard this information with every fiber of their being, scared that it could cause one of those horrible, confrontational political debates that seem to happen when you announce who it is you're going to vote for. Perhaps they do it so that they can get the word out for their candidate, free advertising for the person they think is the best choice. In some strange way perhaps they think they're actually influencing the votes of random people who see their car and think, Hey, that's a nice car. Would ya look at that? The owner of that car is voting for Hillary Clinton this year. Shucks, that's good enough for me. Hillary it is? I mean c'mon. Seems even more unlikely. But I'm sure that people asked this question would answer with something similar to this. But what's the truth?
Well even though ostensibly these people are simply proud to support a particular candidate (and I'm sure a small percentage are), I think there are ulterior motives here. Call me cynical, but I do. I think people use political bumper stickers as a conspicuous proclamation that they not only understand the essence of a very complicated political system (and believe me, it is complicated), but they also genuinely care. That's right, I'm saying people have these dumbass bumper stickers on their cars so they can bitch in the future and feel justified and furthermore so that they can have a free membership to the "I'm involved and I care" club. It's kind of like driving a hybrid. It's fashionable.
Don't get me wrong, I'm basically against all bumper stickers, not just political ones. I have many reasons but one is that I'm a car guy and I can't imagine defacing my vehicle by putting a bigass sticker with a stupid statement on it. The other is that they just don't do a damn thing. As I stated previously, if you have a serious statement and you think you can fit it within the confines of a six inch sticker, go ahead. But you're probably wrong. That having been said, I thought I'd finish off my sharing a few bumper stickers I actually did enjoy. Why did I enjoy these particular choices after shitting on bumper stickers for several paragraphs? Because they made me laugh, pure and simple. Enjoy:
-Jesus Loves You. But everyone else thinks you're an asshole-
-A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory-
-Impotence: Natures way of saying "No Hard Feelings"-
-I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person-
-You! Out of the gene pool!-
-Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat-
-My feminine side is lesbian-
-I read about the evils of beer, so I quit reading-
-I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like his passenger-
I didn't say they were genius, I just said they made me laugh. Now go outside and take that damn bumper sticker off your car so I don't almost get in an accident trying to read it. Again.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Don't Judge Me
So I'm sitting here watching Letterman, realizing it's been a long time since my last post, and it occurs to me that I have plenty of time to do one right now. Lucky everyone. So back after a shortishly-long hiatus, here I am. What to talk about, what to talk about. Well, speaking of Letterman, one of my favorite supermodels (I consider myself something of a connoisseur), Marisa Miller, is going to be on tonight. This excites me very much. She's the kind of gorgeous that necessitates magazines such as Sports Illustrated Swimsuit just to document proof that women who look like her exist in the real world. Rather than just inside of the heads of men all over the world. She's unbelievably beautiful. However, as I write that it occurs to me that the word beautiful is thrown around too much to do her justice. Women like her deserve their own term. Since I'm not busy and I care so much, I'll come up with a word for her right now. I know what you're thinking, but scrumtrulescent is already taken. Great word though. But my new word has to sound sexy, desirable and its gotta be fun to say. Well I'm going to need a minute to think of something, so we'll come back to that.
I went to court today. I went to court because I have a seemingly inherent inability to obey traffic laws. I'll admit it. I've been driving for about 7 years now and I'm not sure a day has gone by that I drove an automobile and managed not to break at least one law in some way. I drive too fast, I accelerate quickly, I change lanes suddenly and without using a signal and that's just on a normal day. Over the years with my friends I've done some truly dangerous stuff and some admittedly stupid stuff as well. That having been said, I never, ever get caught for doing the really dumb shit. My luck dictates that after I get off a motorcycle that I just maxed out on the highway at 160mph, I'll get pulled over in a Toyota Tercel doing 48 in a 40 on my way to the grocery store. I know, I shouldn't complain about getting picked up for the "little" infraction rather than something that could land me in jail, it just seems ridiculous and pointless somehow. Anyway, I was visiting my friendly neighborhood courthouse today because back in November I allegedly ran a red light in plain sight of a police officer. I, of course, thought I made the yellow and he clearly didn't. Anyway, I have plenty of experience with tickets, and I always fight them. I encourage you to do the same. Why? Two reasons: 1) It always takes a few months before your court date and that means a delay before you have to pay the fine. 2) You never know, you might get lucky. If you don't believe me I'll put my own experience out there for you. I don't remember the exact number but off the top of my head I believe this was the 7th or 8th time I've been to court to fight a ticket. Of those 7 or 8 tickets I have paid 2 and half of a 3rd. Yup, Fuck Tha Po-lice.
This has been a long preamble to arrive at my main point. Traffic court sucks. I've never done anything (well, never been caught doing anything) worthy of placing me in a criminal court, so I have no experience there. But at traffic court it's just you, the cop and the judge. Generally speaking, the officer is an idiot. I know, I know, but this isn't just cop hate. They never really help you because they almost never manage to answer even the most basic questions appropriately. Not to mention, at this point they're powerless. The judge is the one who decides whether you leave elated or infuriated. So you try to explain your argument to the judge to avoid paying the ticket. The problem is, it's a one sided argument. You bitch about how wrong the cop is, and the judge just stares at you blankly. Then, after you're done, it's the judges turn. It invariably involves a lecture about how wrong you were and how and why to be more safe in the future. But this is the first you get to hear the judges side and you aren't allowed to argue. As an example, I've got some excerpts from my court appearance today. These aren't direct quotes but they'll give you an idea of what I'm talking about.
Judge: After she completely misinterpreted a crucial fact in the case (as was admitted by the officer after her decision), I attempt to correct her. "You'll sit there quietly, this is not a discussion. I'm going to talk now." Sweet, thanks.
About my argument that in this instance it was better to continue through the intersection than slam on my brakes and slide into the middle of it: "It is ALWAYS a safer, better decision to lock up your brakes and come to a stop in the middle of an intersection than fly through it. Cars are made to be hit in the front and to be hit in the rear. They aren't made to be hit in the sides." Gee, I thought cars were made to be driven. Besides, wouldn't stopping in an intersection create a perfect T-bone situation?
Finally coming to her conclusion: "It doesn't matter that there were no other cars around, somebody could have hit you. This is a dangerous habit to form." That's a head scratcher.
Anyway, needless to say I lost the case. Which is fine. Even though I didn't put anybody in danger, it's perfectly possible that I didn't make the light and I flew through a red light. What I can't stand is the condescending demeanor with which I was treated and the judge's ability to be an idiot while overruling any argument I might make, regardless of its legitimacy. The judge didn't know what she was talking about, but that didn't matter. She is beyond reproach. Which is fortunate for her, because she was the John Madden of jurisprudence. Except that instead of pointing out the incredibly obvious, she pointed out the incredibly stupid and illogical.
Anyway, sorry to vent to you after being gone so long but what can I say, I'm selfish as hell. I really should be going now, it looks like the ultrabangasmic Marisa Miller is about to make her appearance. Oh, you like my new word? Yeah, me too. I decided to abandon the sexy part and just make it juvenile and awesome. I think I succeeded. But please, resist the urge to use this fantastic new phrase for everything you think is cool or desirable. If you do that, it will lose its very special meaning. And I'll have to come up with yet another word, which is something nobody wants. Have an ultrabangasmic week.
-Huh, what's that? Fuck you. I invented the word, I'll use it as much as I damn well please-
I went to court today. I went to court because I have a seemingly inherent inability to obey traffic laws. I'll admit it. I've been driving for about 7 years now and I'm not sure a day has gone by that I drove an automobile and managed not to break at least one law in some way. I drive too fast, I accelerate quickly, I change lanes suddenly and without using a signal and that's just on a normal day. Over the years with my friends I've done some truly dangerous stuff and some admittedly stupid stuff as well. That having been said, I never, ever get caught for doing the really dumb shit. My luck dictates that after I get off a motorcycle that I just maxed out on the highway at 160mph, I'll get pulled over in a Toyota Tercel doing 48 in a 40 on my way to the grocery store. I know, I shouldn't complain about getting picked up for the "little" infraction rather than something that could land me in jail, it just seems ridiculous and pointless somehow. Anyway, I was visiting my friendly neighborhood courthouse today because back in November I allegedly ran a red light in plain sight of a police officer. I, of course, thought I made the yellow and he clearly didn't. Anyway, I have plenty of experience with tickets, and I always fight them. I encourage you to do the same. Why? Two reasons: 1) It always takes a few months before your court date and that means a delay before you have to pay the fine. 2) You never know, you might get lucky. If you don't believe me I'll put my own experience out there for you. I don't remember the exact number but off the top of my head I believe this was the 7th or 8th time I've been to court to fight a ticket. Of those 7 or 8 tickets I have paid 2 and half of a 3rd. Yup, Fuck Tha Po-lice.
This has been a long preamble to arrive at my main point. Traffic court sucks. I've never done anything (well, never been caught doing anything) worthy of placing me in a criminal court, so I have no experience there. But at traffic court it's just you, the cop and the judge. Generally speaking, the officer is an idiot. I know, I know, but this isn't just cop hate. They never really help you because they almost never manage to answer even the most basic questions appropriately. Not to mention, at this point they're powerless. The judge is the one who decides whether you leave elated or infuriated. So you try to explain your argument to the judge to avoid paying the ticket. The problem is, it's a one sided argument. You bitch about how wrong the cop is, and the judge just stares at you blankly. Then, after you're done, it's the judges turn. It invariably involves a lecture about how wrong you were and how and why to be more safe in the future. But this is the first you get to hear the judges side and you aren't allowed to argue. As an example, I've got some excerpts from my court appearance today. These aren't direct quotes but they'll give you an idea of what I'm talking about.
Judge: After she completely misinterpreted a crucial fact in the case (as was admitted by the officer after her decision), I attempt to correct her. "You'll sit there quietly, this is not a discussion. I'm going to talk now." Sweet, thanks.
About my argument that in this instance it was better to continue through the intersection than slam on my brakes and slide into the middle of it: "It is ALWAYS a safer, better decision to lock up your brakes and come to a stop in the middle of an intersection than fly through it. Cars are made to be hit in the front and to be hit in the rear. They aren't made to be hit in the sides." Gee, I thought cars were made to be driven. Besides, wouldn't stopping in an intersection create a perfect T-bone situation?
Finally coming to her conclusion: "It doesn't matter that there were no other cars around, somebody could have hit you. This is a dangerous habit to form." That's a head scratcher.
Anyway, needless to say I lost the case. Which is fine. Even though I didn't put anybody in danger, it's perfectly possible that I didn't make the light and I flew through a red light. What I can't stand is the condescending demeanor with which I was treated and the judge's ability to be an idiot while overruling any argument I might make, regardless of its legitimacy. The judge didn't know what she was talking about, but that didn't matter. She is beyond reproach. Which is fortunate for her, because she was the John Madden of jurisprudence. Except that instead of pointing out the incredibly obvious, she pointed out the incredibly stupid and illogical.
Anyway, sorry to vent to you after being gone so long but what can I say, I'm selfish as hell. I really should be going now, it looks like the ultrabangasmic Marisa Miller is about to make her appearance. Oh, you like my new word? Yeah, me too. I decided to abandon the sexy part and just make it juvenile and awesome. I think I succeeded. But please, resist the urge to use this fantastic new phrase for everything you think is cool or desirable. If you do that, it will lose its very special meaning. And I'll have to come up with yet another word, which is something nobody wants. Have an ultrabangasmic week.
-Huh, what's that? Fuck you. I invented the word, I'll use it as much as I damn well please-
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
New Year's Revolutions
So the start of the new year is upon us and I'm sure that many people, if not most people, have created some resolutions. Lose weight, clean out the garage, learn to salsa dance, that sort of thing. Here's the thing about New Year's Resolutions though: they're bullshit. Yup, bullshit. If you've made a resolution in the past that you stuck to or are still sticking to, good for you, but the truth is most people see it as a temporary promise they can forget a month down the line. Why? Because that's what the majority of people do.
As for myself, I don't make resolutions, not in the typical sense anyway. Instead I do a couple of things. First I look back on the previous year and ask myself if I'm better off now than I was 1 year ago from that day. Maybe I'm happier overall, or I bought the car I've wanted for a long time (I did), or I finally wrote an entire book (did that too), just anything that I think puts me in a better position in my life than I was in before this past year began. In a good year this allows me to reflect back and appreciate my accomplishments; in a bad year it motivates me to move on to step 2. Step 2 involves planning for my reflection next year. When I look back next year how will I want to remember this year? Did I elevate myself in some way? For example, I'd like to write another book this year. Maybe this one actually gets published, who knows. It sounds like a resolution but it's not. It isn't always that specific. I simply want to improve myself from this year to next.
If you're wondering what the difference is here's an example. The big resolution is, of course, lose weight. People write it down on their calendars: January 1 - Lose 20 lbs. There, a goal to journey towards. But it's a bullshit goal and it's unrealistic. Most people don't even know what it means to lose 20 lbs, let alone understand that they may be replacing fat with muscle, which weighs more. Instead, I suggest promising to yourself that you'll exercise at least 3 times a week, every week. Or take up an active hobby like softball or basketball or bicycling. Because when you look back next year you'll be able to focus in on being more healthy rather than missing an arbitrary number that you pulled out of your (fat) ass.
So, in lieu of a specific goal or list of goals I encourage you to simply embrace your life and choose to be better this year. Healthier, happier, stronger, smarter. Whatever gets you excited. Decide that 2008 will kick ass and embark on the trek of 366 days (it's a leap year) with this core philosophy. Repeat it like a mantra if you have to. Don't worry about not having time or not having money or all of the excuses we all use to put off the things we want to do. Do it. Live this year. If you do nothing else, make sure you can cross off one thing you want to do before you die from your list. Don't make excuses. Think about yourself 12 months in the future and ask if you'll forgive yourself for not having tried. Yeah you were busy and kind of broke, but will you care about those things a year from now? Or will you care that you can look back on the year and point to that thing and say, "There, I did that thing. Everything else aside, I accomplished that." Just do something. Because that's all life is. We live it in days, weeks, months and years. Make this year great. Best wishes for '08.
As for myself, I don't make resolutions, not in the typical sense anyway. Instead I do a couple of things. First I look back on the previous year and ask myself if I'm better off now than I was 1 year ago from that day. Maybe I'm happier overall, or I bought the car I've wanted for a long time (I did), or I finally wrote an entire book (did that too), just anything that I think puts me in a better position in my life than I was in before this past year began. In a good year this allows me to reflect back and appreciate my accomplishments; in a bad year it motivates me to move on to step 2. Step 2 involves planning for my reflection next year. When I look back next year how will I want to remember this year? Did I elevate myself in some way? For example, I'd like to write another book this year. Maybe this one actually gets published, who knows. It sounds like a resolution but it's not. It isn't always that specific. I simply want to improve myself from this year to next.
If you're wondering what the difference is here's an example. The big resolution is, of course, lose weight. People write it down on their calendars: January 1 - Lose 20 lbs. There, a goal to journey towards. But it's a bullshit goal and it's unrealistic. Most people don't even know what it means to lose 20 lbs, let alone understand that they may be replacing fat with muscle, which weighs more. Instead, I suggest promising to yourself that you'll exercise at least 3 times a week, every week. Or take up an active hobby like softball or basketball or bicycling. Because when you look back next year you'll be able to focus in on being more healthy rather than missing an arbitrary number that you pulled out of your (fat) ass.
So, in lieu of a specific goal or list of goals I encourage you to simply embrace your life and choose to be better this year. Healthier, happier, stronger, smarter. Whatever gets you excited. Decide that 2008 will kick ass and embark on the trek of 366 days (it's a leap year) with this core philosophy. Repeat it like a mantra if you have to. Don't worry about not having time or not having money or all of the excuses we all use to put off the things we want to do. Do it. Live this year. If you do nothing else, make sure you can cross off one thing you want to do before you die from your list. Don't make excuses. Think about yourself 12 months in the future and ask if you'll forgive yourself for not having tried. Yeah you were busy and kind of broke, but will you care about those things a year from now? Or will you care that you can look back on the year and point to that thing and say, "There, I did that thing. Everything else aside, I accomplished that." Just do something. Because that's all life is. We live it in days, weeks, months and years. Make this year great. Best wishes for '08.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
WWW #18
Happy New Year everyone, I hope your night of transition was as fun and crazy as mine was. I've been a bit sporadic with posts the last couple of weeks but things should be settling down now and I'll be back on top of this blog. Without further ado, today's WWW:
A habit is exactly as strong as you are weak. -JT
I thought that was appropriate given the resolutions that people have made and will most likely abandon sometime around February 1st. Don't let that happen. Pick something you truly think will improve your life and stick with it. Later.
A habit is exactly as strong as you are weak. -JT
I thought that was appropriate given the resolutions that people have made and will most likely abandon sometime around February 1st. Don't let that happen. Pick something you truly think will improve your life and stick with it. Later.
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