Dragon Bores

This post isn't going to have much of a point beyond me telling you about something I did this past weekend and warning you never to do it yourself. I'll come right out and say it: Do not, under any circumstances, go see the movie Dragon Wars. If you haven't heard of this movie, I'm not surprised, because I hadn't either. As a matter of fact it was just Friday night, during the Red Sox game at a party, that I heard of it myself. I'm just nerdy enough that I get really excited about dragon stuff. Why? Because they're big, flying, fire breathing frickin' dragons, that's why. So when I saw the preview (admittedly after having just a few drinks) my friends and I decided that we needed to see this film. This was not a good idea.

The movie was so bad it's hard to enumerate the actual elements that sucked. But for your benefit I'll try. The script was awful, the acting equally so and to top it all off the supposed "dragons" were actually just bigass snakes. No wings, no fire breathing (until the very end) and lots of not coolness. Sure that's a word. The movie was not only poorly done it wasn't even bad in a funny way. In fact, this is the first movie I have ever fallen asleep during at the theater. After it was over, which seemed to take roughly 5 or 6 hours, I felt dirty. I mean it, I feel like someone took advantage of me and not only that, it cost me money. This is a short post and it's not even enlightening, except to tell you that you really, really don't want to see this movie. Don't go see it in theaters, don't rent it when it comes out on video, neglect it like the ugly girl you accidentally fooled around with in high school. I'm not kidding about this, you should avoid it like the plague. Not only because it sucks harder than a Hoover, but because the people responsible for setting this movie loose on the public should be punished by a complete lack of revenue. I'm offended as a writer trying to get published that this huge piece of shit was made and that money was invested to bring it to fruition. Do not support this movie in any way shape or form. One last time I repeat myself, do not go see Dragon Wars. Even if you get drunk with your friends and decide that it looks ok, it's not. That is all.