Merry Christmas

I just got done watching my quintessential Christmas movie, The Muppets Christmas Carol, and thought I'd get one here to throw out some seasons greetings.

I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

Have fun out there and enjoy the holiday.

WWW #17

I didn't post earlier this week like I normally do because things have been hectic. But I have a chance right now to throw a Wednesday Words of Wisedumb at ya, so that's what I'm going to do:

I truly believe that one of the keys to happiness involves finding a hobby you're really passionate about and sinking all of the time and money you can afford to into it. -JT

WWW #16

So for this WWW, I decided to let someone else's words be read here. I got this as an email, and after researching it there seems to be some debate as to how much of it was actually written by the alleged author. He definitely wrote most of it, but some bits are disputed. For two reasons I'm posting the whole thing under his name anyway. First, a lot of it was in fact written by Ben Stein (the monotone teacher from the Wonder Years) and the parts that were not aren't 100% decided upon. Second, I don't give a shit because I like the message as a whole and this is my damn blog so I'll post it here as his work regardless of what the truth is. Without further ado:

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are.

I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either.

Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife. Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive?

Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. If this is what it means to no longer be young, it's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year.

It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away. I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians.

I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking. Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.

She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out.

How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?" In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.

I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school.

The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself.

And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide).

We said an expert should know what he's talking about and we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out.

I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW." Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Y'shua friend.

Shalom!

-Ben Stein


Just something to think about during the Christmas season. Have a good week.

Pats, Snow, and Scroogery

So just a couple of things here to start us off. First of all, Christmas is exactly 2 weeks from tomorrow. It's crazy, but true. If you haven't done your shopping yet, you might as well put it off until Christmas Eve like I always do. I thrive under the pressure. Secondly, my beloved Patriots are now 13-0, one step closer to history, after defeating the Steelers in spectacular fashion. Yes I'm excited, and yes we're going to be undefeated.

You know it's a funny thing this year, December feels different. I can't put a finger on it, but something doesn't feel quite the same. Christmas is coming fairly quickly, and I haven't been pissed off about it this year. You see, it's not that I don't like Christmas, because I enjoy the actual holiday very much. I just hate the season. Everyone gets stressed out and usually cool people suck to be around. People should be happy and joyous and taking in the meaning of the season, but it frequently has the exact opposite effect on the masses. As I stated before, this has seemed less true this year. I'm watching Christmas movies and helping to decorate at home and work, and I'm not bothered a bit. Merry Christmas to all I say.

Another major change this year has been my lack of disdain for the winter season. Having grown up in harsh Vermont winters, I've always hated the season. I don't ski, I snowboard rarely and I don't own a snowmobile. Perhaps I hate the season because I have nothing to do, but more likely because it's a cold, long, pain in the ass. However, even though we have close to a foot of snow on the lawn, I'm not bummed out. In fact, when we had a snowstorm that lasted around 4 days, I said let it snow. Why? Because I drive a Subaru WRX and drifting around the snowy streets like a reckless rally driver makes me happy. Very happy. It's so damn fun I get into my car late at night and find a snowy parking lot to dick around in, despite the cold temperatures. I'm not sure how long this will last, but anything that takes away from misery adds to happiness I always say, so I'll embrace it.

Other than that things are fairly standard, but those two facts change a great deal of the season for me. And luckily, they change it in a positive way. That's really all I've got to say today, other than telling you to think about whether or not this year is different than past years for you. If not, change something. If you can't be happy about a new thing, be upset about a new thing. It's better than being content to live out your life the same year after year. Happy Holidays, see you next week.

WWW #15

Putting you in your place with this week's Wednesday Words of Wisedumb:

Never allow yourself to buy into the belief that having permission to do something wrong makes it right. -JT

Have a great week.

Theatrical Traitor

So I'm taking the chance to rant tonight about something that's really been bothering me lately. I'd say it actually started bothering me a few years ago, but it's only gotten worse as the years have gone by. What is it? I'm talking about every company involved in cinema releasing a dozen and a half previews for every movie, especially big movies, they come out with. I'll explain.

The movie that provoked my actually writing about this subject was I Am Legend. If you haven't heard of it (*cough*loser), it's the new Will Smith movie destined to make millions and millions. It involves some sort of disaster leaving him as the last living human on the planet. You're right, it does sound awesome. Of course, he comes to discover that he isn't quite alone and the music will become ominous and I'm sure plenty of action will unfold. Sounds like a fairly ambiguous synopsis right? That's the way it should be. The only reason I know so little about this movie is that I've chosen not to watch anything other than the official theatrical trailer. This has turned out to be quite a task, because there are about 20 different trailers, previews and TV spots promoting it and they're on every channel once every 5 minutes. This frustrates me to no end as a person who goes to the movies on a regular basis. Why does this frustrate me you may ask? I'm glad you asked.

Tons of previews for big movies pisses me off for a few reasons. The most significant reason, however, is that for some strange reason I enjoy going to a movie and being impressed by cool scenes and laughing at funny stuff for the first time. I did pay to get in after all. But it seems like nowadays I walk into a movie and I've already seen the funniest, most impressive, most badass scenes, and all I go to a movie for is to see the filler in between the big budget stuff. I know people who watch as many trailers as possible because I guess they hate surprises.

Why this is done is something of a mystery to me. I'm guessing that the marketing department did a blind study or a survey that showed that people like watching previews of movies they are interested in. Or a studio released several trailers of a movie and the movie subsequently did very well. Marketing departments being what they are, they most assuredly took credit for the success of the movie that would have made tons of money anyway (hell, more if they hadn't spent millions on all the commercials and theatrical trailers). Other people heard about this and suddenly it was very clear to executives that the best way to ensure a movie's success was to release as many different previews as possible showing different sections of the movie. Way to go assholes.

Here's what I'd like to see happen: studio spending their time and money on just one well done, official theatrical trailer. Because all I'm looking for is a reason to go see the movie or not to go see the movie. All it really has to do is intrigue me and pique my curiosity. If it does that I'll see all the cool special effects and the scenes they spent millions of dollars on when I go to see it. After I've actually paid, which seems to be more beneficial for them to me. But that's just me.

WWW #14

Here's what I've got for you this week:

Society is an old man afraid to look in the mirror; so it finds faults elsewhere. -JT

Take care, I'll see you right here on Monday.

7 Nights of Sanity

Today is Monday. For many people, Monday is an evil thing to be dreaded and hated with passion. Yup, people hate Monday's. It's not hard to understand why either. Your weekend just ended, you undoubtedly accomplished a lot less than you planned to and you have 5 fresh days of work to suffer through before you get another one. What's to like? Ever the nonconformist, I actually do not hate Monday's. On the contrary, I actually kind of like them. The reason is as stupid as it is trivial, but it does the trick nonetheless. I don't hate Monday's because of prime time television.

You see, it's occurred to me recently that even though I claim to like spontaneity and change, I too am a creature of habit. I have fallen into a set schedule as of late, and I'll be damned if it hasn't made my life better. It's a weekly schedule that does indeed change somewhat from week to week, but for the most part I've gotten used to doing certain things on certain nights. Though pretty much every day I have to go to work and that usually sucks, my nights bring me joy. Because my nights bring me joy, they lessen the tyranny of normality I suffer through during the day. Upon realizing this I thought I might share the lesson so that others might benefit. I'm an altruistic bastard, I know. And you're welcome.

Let me give you a rundown of a week in my life. Since I already told you about Monday, let's start there. I don't watch a lot of television, but I've become fairly committed to a few shows. Two of those shows are on Monday nights and they serve as my light at the end of the tunnel for that day. Because when I'm at work, tired because I barely slept all weekend, I think about the zany shenanigans the main character in Chuck will find himself in, and what new piece of the puzzle Heroes is going to reveal to me. Tuesday's are almost always spent hanging out with a friend who lives a short distance away and reads this blog more faithfully than probably anyone else. You know who you are. Wednesday's have become movie night. I watch a movie either with my family or with the aforementioned friend. Thursday's once again rely on television, when the only other shows I watch regularly are on. Those two shows are The Office and Scrubs. Both absolutely hilarious in their own ways, Thursdays leave me sore from laughter. Friday nights are officially weekend time and thus spent doing weekend things. Hanging out with friends, drinking, and otherwise just having fun. Saturday's are generally spent recovering and wasting time until Saturday night, which more often than not is a variation of Friday night. Sunday's are different because they are scheduled all day. I wake up, go to Dunkin Donuts with two of my buddies and then shop for whatever food we'll need to eat that day while we watch football. Sunday night is spent either watching football with the usual gang, or watching a movie with the usual gang, then driving home to pass out from exhaustion even though I barely moved all day. That moves us right back to Monday.

My point is that having something to wake up for each day is important to be happy and get you through the shitty stuff that you're obligated to do. Most of us don't have many options with how we spend our time 9-5 on Monday through Friday, but we can control what we do when we get out of work. So give yourself a goal or a reward or whatever you want to call it, but do it every single day. Spend your free time wisely and take advantage of the time between work at night and work in the morning. It doesn't matter if it's a small thing or a stupid thing, as long as it gives you something to look forward to. Maybe you thought my schedule sounded like torture rather than pleasure, that's fine. You do what you want to do, that's the point. My regularly scheduled playtime isn't always glamorous, but it works for me.

WWW #13

The holidays are upon us and life is going to be crazy busy for the next month or so. Here's a reminder to keep smiling:

I don't see a great deal of practical use for seriousness, though I suppose it might serve its purpose in hospitals or at funerals. No, perhaps not even there. -JT

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Is There Too Much Fad In Your Diet?

The other day I saw a preview for the new iPod touch. If you haven't seen it, it's literally the iPhone minus the phone capabilities. It does everything else and looks damn near identical. Does it look like a cool gadget? Sure. Do I want one? Hell no. Why you may ask? For the same reason I'm one of 2 people in this country who doesn't want an iPhone and refuses to buy an iPod: I hate trendy shit.

Now, to be clear I'm a fairly normal guy. Most of the people who utter the aforementioned statement walk around with black nail polish on their fingers and collars around their necks. The self-proclaimed nonconformists of the world. I'm not trying to judge a whore by her cover charge, but I think you see my point. Of course, the funny thing about this type of nonconformist is that they've simply conformed to a different set of rules and guidelines, but that's neither here nor there. I shop at American Eagle and Abercrombie, I root for New England sports teams even though I live in New England and I listen to music that I perceive to be cool. In other words, I'm not a hard edged, anti-conformist sociopath. However, that doesn't change the fact I stated previously: I hate trends. Allow me to explain.

Like I said, I don't own an iPod. I never will own an iPod. I don't own one because it's one of the trendiest devices of our time. Pink, silver, black, white, I hate em all. I have of course used many iPods in my time to listen to music, because everyone I know has one. I will admit that they do their job well and I do not hate them for being junk. But that doesn't change the fact that I can pay less and get another device with a different name that does the job just as well for less money. I have 2 MP3 players, both of which have the capacity of a $150-200 iPod for under $100. People could argue that my MP3 players do not have the peripheral support of an iPod and they may be right but I don't really care about that. I want a device that allows me to listen to illegally downloaded music without fuss and my MP3 players allow me that. Hell, my cell phone now allows me to do that. Sure it can't play music videos or hold over 1,500 songs, but why the hell would I want it to? The iPod is a perfect example of a trend because people think it is far superior to other products without any justification other than "everyone has them". It doesn't matter if they never actually take advantage of the video capabilities, it's just nice to have it. In a latest, greatest, keeping up with the Joneses kind of way. Which isn't inherently awful, but I nearly flip out when I say the words MP3 player and someone corrects me by saying: "You mean iPod?" No, I don't mean iPod.

I can't say exactly why it is that I hate trends so passionately, but the fact remains that I do. Here is a great example. I know you've seen dozens of people walking around with what look like shoes built for inmates or the mentally unstable who happen to be pulling latrine duty. I am, of course, talking about Crocs. This is just the most embarrassing fad since wearing your jeans backwards like Kriss Kross in the early 90's. No, it's worse because back then you didn't have to buy new jeans specifically for the purpose of looking like a retard. So if you own a pair of Crocs (or any of the limitless knock-offs) do me a favor and slap yourself across the face right now. Hard. Don't worry, I'll wait. What's wrong with people? I mean, have they seen these things? Solid rubber clogs. Mmm boy, that's sexy. You know how you watch something like I Love The 80's and you laugh and laugh because people went out and got themselves Flock Of Seagulls haircuts? Well guess what, people watching I Love The 2000's will be laughing at people wearing the dumbest footwear since...ever. They'll say what were they thinking and they'll be right. I've heard the argument that even though they're ugly, they really comfortable. So is walking around bare ass naked, but I almost never do that in public. There are literally thousands of different kinds of shoes out there, are you telling me that people can't find a big, comfy sneaker or a nice airy sandal that provides similar comfort without looking the lovechild of a broken condom and a cheap piece of lawn furniture? People buy these for no other reason than them being trendy. Don't believe me? Do you really think people will still be wearing/selling these in 5 or 10 years?

I wrote a quote about trends that might be at home in the WWW section, I'll share it right here though:

I hate trends. Not popularity validated by a products supremacy over competition, but mass acceptance based on conformity. To me giving in to a trend like this signifies a loss of self, a surrendering of individuality for the hollow aim of fitting in. -JT

That really sums up my feelings as well as anything else. I don't have a problem with people buying something because they like it or because they've looked into it and that item is the best choice. I just don't admire people who have to be floating in the center of the trend current, buying things that other people say are cool or looking like someone else says they should look. Don't get me started on the ridiculously huge, oversized, bugeyed sunglasses craze that every single woman in America is in on. What a horrible way for an attractive woman to hide her face so that men can't even tell. Way to go ladies. But that's my opinion. Go ahead and follow the masses, allow them to choose your shit for you. Just because I refuse to buy anything I perceive as trendy, such as a Razor phone (almost everyone I know who owns one hates it), doesn't mean you have to. And if you don't want to jump into a trend right off, wait it out. You'll be able to get the stuff that everyone is going crazy over today for 75% off in the bargain bins tomorrow.

WWW # 12

I missed the WWW last week because of my grandfather's passing the subsequent duties associated with a death in the family. But this week we're right back on track, here it is:

How can one believe in destiny but not in God? That's like reading a book and then denying it had an author. -JT

Have a good week.

The Lament Of The Children (An Ode To My Generation)

We've grown up in a much different world than our parents, is it surprising then that we don't have the same beliefs? The stories of their youths portray a fairytale world so dissimilar from our current existence that we cannot relate to them in any way. Ours has been a world of fear, greed and corruption. We were raised in a time when children no longer got to play outside for fear of them being taken or hurt. Now the bats and balls stay in their crate while children's waistlines grow in front of their computer monitors. We have witnessed the sanctity and protection of our schools become compromised as angry teens no longer yell at their classmates, they shoot them. The world we have grown up in has taught us that you're still free to think and say what you believe, as long as it doesn't offend anyone. In our world public schools claim they do not have the right to teach beliefs, and then offer a single explanation for the origin of life. In those same classrooms the mere mention of God could prove to be grounds for termination. My generation has been betrayed by police officers, priests and our own government, leaving us to trust only ourselves. We have seen guilty men set free, teaching us that power and money can circumvent justice. We have witnessed the downsizing and outsourcing of entire companies and industries, leaving millions unemployed in their wake. We grew up in a time when illegal immigrant labor was considered necessary even as the products they produced put our friends and families out of business. We were raised by shattered families in a society that apathetically watched over half of its marriages falter and fail. Ours has been a time of two faces: tobacco companies promoting methods to quit smoking, while at the same time increasing the amount of addictive nicotine in their products. The world we have grown up in has told us to fear AIDS, smallpox, cancer, heart disease, STD's, Ebola, West Nile Virus, Mad Cow Disease, Avian Bird Flu, terrorism, nuclear weapons, sunlight, eggs and carbs. Our generation saw Batman quit and Superman die. Real life wasn't much more inspiring. The sports legends of our time were juicers swinging corked bats. We have heard the lessons of our fathers but the world we have grown up in has proven them untrue. The best man does not always win, hard work does not always pay off and honesty is not always the best policy. Instead we have seen that cheaters do win, that dishonesty and cunning may get you what you want and the quickest route is superior to the hardest. Above all my generation has been taught time and time again that their is no absolute right or wrong: only what you can get away with. Is it surprising that we are frustrated and bewildered? We don't trust one another, we live in a state of perpetual fear, our sense of justice is skewed. Previous generations call us lazy and stupid, they think we're going to ruin everything. The blame is not entirely our own. The fact of the matter is that this messed up world we've grown up in is a product of their efforts. We aren't lazy and stupid, we're angry and jaded. We are looking for something to believe in.

R.I.P. Grandpa

Today's post will be very short. I'd like to start off by apologizing to the Boston Red Sox and all of Red Sox nation that I failed to announce their victory in the World Series last week. It was a fantastic season for Red Sox fan's and we're fortunate enough to have experienced this twice in three years. We never stopped Believe-ing.

On Sunday two things happened. One very good and one very bad. I will start with the good. The Patriots took on the other undefeated team in the NFL, the Indianapolis Colts, and what followed was an epic battle that looked to be ending in victory for the Colts. This would mark the 4th time they've defeated us in as many match-ups. However, in the 4th quarter with less than 10 minutes the Patriots rallied to prove why they are the dominant team in the league. They scored two touchdowns and then strip-sacked Manning for possession to run out the clock at the end of the game. We ended up winning it 24-20 in one of the most exciting football games I've ever watched. Next stop: history books.

The second occurrence was far more serious and far less joyous. My grandfather, Earl Taylor, passed away very early Sunday morning at the age of 78. He had been dealing with several health problems over the past few months and in the end, none ever win the struggle against time. So long Papa, you will be missed but never forgotten.


"Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there. It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so as long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away." ~Fahrenheit 451 , by Ray Bradbury

From all of us left behind, we love you.

WWW #11

This WWW has absolutely nothing to do with Halloween but Happy Halloween anyway.

An insecurity is a form of self-perception which places you in the role of observer. It is believing that when people look at you, they will see nothing but a single, glaring flaw. -JT

Trick or treat guys, have fun out there.

Sore Losers and Regular Old Fashioned Losers

So this week I want to talk about three separate topics. The first two are related because they're about football, but that's about it. All three are related in some way to my weekend, but other than that they're just random thoughts. Enough foreplay, here goes.

1) I don't know how many people caught this, but on Sunday Miami hosted the Giants in London. Nope, not a town called London, Florida, the original London across the ocean. Did your brain just fart? Yeah, an American NFL team hosted another American NFL team in England. Makes perfect sense right? Exactly. What the hell kind of alcoholic on a bender decided this was a good idea? Ostensibly, the reasoning behind this idiocy was to promote American football to the "regular football" loving Europeans. There are so many reasons this is stupid that I won't go into it for fear of running out of room, but I do have a couple of thoughts. First of all, if we wanted to engage a prospective audience, why did we provide them with a game that was certain to be about as entertaining as Dragon Wars? The awful Dolphins against the mediocre Giants? Perhaps they moved the game there because they knew nobody in the USA gave a shit. And if promoting football internationally was the concern, might I suggest EPSN 7: The Euro promoting the game through a well conceived strategy that introduces the uninitiated to the game and makes it appear exciting. I don't know, something other than carting USA teams across the Atlantic to play a decidedly American game in front of 90,000 drunk Englishman. It's just stupid. Did they even invite us or were we the kid who shows up at the party after everyone made sure not to tell him about it? The only thing worse might be them showing up over here to educate us on the beauty of cricket in Gillette Stadium.

2) I am a fan of the New England Patriots. This is in no small part because I live in New England, but also because they're f-ing amazing. So amazing in fact, that their games lately have turned into embarrassingly one sided massacres. These spankings are causing an outcry by opposing coaches and players, as well as ESPN talking faces that nobody cares about. They're saying that the Patriots are purposely scoring as many points per game as they can. GASP! No way! You mean a professional football team is trying its hardest to succeed at the main objective of the game they're playing? This controversy is pissing me off so much that I hope the Pats continue to decimate opponents all over the country. Various people are saying that the magnitude of the deficits between the Patriots and their opponents scores are unsportsmanlike and disrespectful. One of the players on the Redskins commented that their epic loss to the Patriots by 45 points was "disrespectful to the game". How is playing the game to the best of their ability disrespectful to the game? Wouldn't it be more disrespectful to play half-hearted, or to stop playing it entirely? How is it the Patriots fault that they are so much better than their competitors? Perhaps they should move up to...oh wait, that's right, they're already in the highest league for football on the planet. So perhaps these other professional football teams, who are in the league supposedly representing the highest level of play and competition in the world, could tell me where the Patriots can go to play to their full potential. Suck it up, they're better than you. If they are the best team in football and want to break records, they should be allowed to play as hard as they want for as long as they want to accomplish that and prove their dominance. Besides, you know damn well that the Dolphins or the Redskins or whoever else would be doing exactly the same thing if the roles were reversed.

3) So I was driving home the other day and I approached a red-light, only to glance in my rearview mirror and notice a woman talking on a cell phone, with her hands flying all over the car to emphasize what I can only imagine was a very valid point. This made me chuckle and ask myself a question: Why do people feel the need to speak with their hands while on the telephone? I see it all the time, hell my dad does it and always has. But...why? The person sure as hell doesn't know you're doing it, casual observers notice that you look like a moron trying to show emphasis with hand motions using a device that only allows sounds to be transmitted, and you're simply wasting energy. Now that I think of it, I can barely stand it when people do this in person. A few simple movements of the hand are one thing, but I'm talking about those people who throw their hands in the air and keep them moving around out their in front of them for no good reason at all for the entirety of a conversation. On a phone the stupidity just quadruples. So if you do this sometimes, don't anymore. It's kind of like giving the finger to a blind person: I guess it might make you feel better, but what's the point?

My BPD Love Letter

I'm posting on a Friday because I feel compelled to bitch. Dedicated readers will remember me complaining about a parking ticket I received about a month ago. They will also remember that the excessive fine amounting to $45 for simply parking on a residential street with plenty of spaces. About 10 minutes ago, just before I got online to check my email, I sorted through my mail. There on top was a notice from the Burlington Police Department. Curious, because I may or may not have completely forgotten about the ticket, I opened it up. That's when my mood went from TGIF to Fuck You. Contained in this wonderful little envelope of law enforcement love was a notice that my fine was being increased due to delinquency of payment. 12 extra bucks tacked onto an already overpriced fine; wonderful. But that honestly didn't bother me nearly as much as this next part. The third paragraph of the love letter went like this:

Effective August 01, 2005 - If you have accumulated a total of $50.00 or more in unpaid parking fines, ANY VEHICLE owned by you may be impounded and towed pursuant to Burlington City Ordinance Section 20-79

Makes you feel warm and tingly inside doesn't it? Well it did for me. Warm and tingly in the "I'm going to rip the arms off the first person I see so I can beat them to death with some manner of weapon" sort of way. Very warm and tingly.

I'm going to keep this short because I have neither the time, nor the inclination to spend more than 10 minutes on this stupid, worthless piece of paper. My total fine is now up to $57.00, that's the original cost of the ticket, plus the late fee. Now, $57 is approximately how much I pay every month to have a cell phone. I would enjoy not having to pay it, but it's ultimately a small chunk of change. The fact that the local police department in the largest municipality in the state has the legal ability to impound my $25,000 car for half a c-note is beyond ludicrous to me. Hell, the 50 is the new 20 anyway. Apparently in August of '05 the department was having some trouble amassing the appropriate funds for their annual donut fund and decided that unpaid parking tickets were a real threat to the commonwealth. Well fuck you very much, I disagree. Parking infractions run along the same lines as jaywalking and public urination in terms of seriousness. Everyone does them because they need to be done. Especially the urination. I have a friend who was once ticketed for parking his car in the wrong direction on a street where every other car was parked pointing a different way. WHAT?! If you're douche bag enough to park in a handicapped spot needlessly, I believe the officer should simply shoot out all 4 tires on your car. If you park directly in front of a fire hydrant in such a way that a burning building cannot be extinguished, the fire engine should be allowed to plow you out of the way. And if you park in any spot that isn't really a spot or somewhere that blocks an emergency lane, a road, or someones driveway, your car should be at the mercy of the Po-9. However, in virtually every other instance there really isn't a good reason to even enforce parking violations, let alone tow someones very expensive mode of transportation simply because they're taking their damn sweet time to pay one. Why didn't I pay it? Partly as a matter of principle, and partly because I honestly just forgot I even had it.

Bitter? Check. Pissed off? Check Check. And here's the real tragedy of all this: Picture yourself walking back to your car after meeting a friend who is back in town for only a day or two. Upon reaching your vehicle you notice that two of your windows have been smashed out and your iPod, stereo, watch, CD case and brand spanking new copy of Transformers on DVD are missing. But what's this, there's an orange envelope tossed on your front seat, resting on shards of broken glass. Looking up the street in despair you see the officer halfway up the block still citing vehicles for parking infractions. You run up to the officer just as he gets back into his cruiser and try to explain to him that your car was broken into and several items of yours were stolen. He replies, in an aggravated tone, that many people's vehicles were broken into tonight. There seems to be a group of people doing this at various locations throughout the city on weekends. Realizing only now that he must have seen the mess they left because the ticket he wrote was inside of your car, you ask him what the deal is. He tells you that you were parked illegally, son. Enraged, you ask the officer how he could ignore the obvious damage to your vehicle and ticket you for some minor technicality when there are serious crimes occurring. In response, he looks at you with a special blend of condescending mockery and contempt. Then he tells you that you both realize the odds of actually catching the person who did that to your car (and numerous other cars) are slim to none. He then explains that they (the police) focus on the lawbreakers they can actually catch. That means you, you dirty bastard who parked on a resident only street. Then, just as he's pulling away to leave, reaching for yet another powdered jelly in the passenger seat, he turns to you and says: "Be sure to pay that ticket, now."

Ridiculous anecdote or accurate portrait of the current state of law enforcement? Maybe it's both, who knows. I'll let you decide. Me, I've got to go out of my way to pay for this ticket which I received for hurting no one and parking my car for the weekend instead of driving it around drunk. I hope you'll excuse me for walking funny, but I think I may have just been fist-fucked by the long arm of the law.

WWW #10

This is a quote ripped from a conversation with a friend a couple of years ago. I have no idea what we were talking about, all I saved was this couple of lines. I was inspired to post it here because tonight is game 1 of the World Series and it seemed vaguely relevant. Anyway, here it is:

That's what I believe in. I think we all have a purpose greater than simple survival. That doing something less than what you were meant to do is to sacrifice your gift, and that this sacrifice is a travesty. -JT

There you go, I'll see you next week. Let's Go Red Sox!!

On ESPN and Life

These past couple of days have been pretty good for New England sports fans. On Sunday the Patriots completely steamrolled the Dolphins to remain undefeated on the season. Later that same day the Red Sox, after coming back from a 3-1 deficit in the series to tie it at 3-3, absolutely spanked the Indians to move on to the World Series. Thank you Dustin Pedroia. Each victory begs its own question. For the seemingly untouchable Patriots, that question is whether or not the 1972 Dolphins are going to have company in the history books. In case you aren't aware, that is the only team in the history of the NFL to have a perfect, undefeated season. For the Red Sox the question is can they repeat what they did in 2004 to overcome the unstoppable (and improbable) champions of the NLCS, the Colorado Rockies?

For us fans, the only real answer is wait and see. Sports, just like life, are unpredictable. There is no telling when or where an injury could strike to cripple a key player. Nor is there any accounting for the mysterious, but undeniable, power of momentum. A couple of weeks ago, a girl I work with was bewildered by the fact that when everyone arrived in the morning, all the guys congregated to talk about sports. She asked me what it was about sports that men find so captivating. At the time, I was unsure of what to say. It was early in the morning and I thought this to be a stupid question, so my simple reply was: What's not to like? I suppose that isn't an altogether horrible answer, but it certainly didn't answer her question. After having a little time to think about it, I'd like to offer a more complete answer.

Famed Washington Post columnist George Will once said, "Sports serve society by providing vivid examples of excellence." In a way, that sums up the entire topic. But in favor of not being lazy and, well, writing more than two paragraphs, I'll expound upon that idea. The truth is, life is rarely like movies make it out to be. The good guy doesn't always win, the better man doesn't always get the girl, and more often than not you lose the ones you care about before you've shared that perfect final moment. This is the reason that Hollywood, as well as television (not sure if that's got its own name or if its lumped in with Hollywood), are so successful. People like to be removed from their own mediocrity and shown amazing things. They like to see proof that antiquated notions like loyalty and honor still exist, if only in a screenwriter's imagination. For many of us, sports provide the same inspiration and satisfaction, but without the benefit of being preordained. Watching a miraculous comeback occur on a sports field often carries more weight than watching a hero do the same on a battlefield. That's because, even if it didn't happen to us, it really happened. It wasn't decided by a group of writers to be the better ending or the more logical outcome, it just was. Through suffering, pain and sheer will, the men on the field make miracles happen in real life. And the best part of being a fan is that you don't have to be there to experience it. Sports allow us to be on the team without ever leaving our homes. For our support we are rewarded with the chance to share in our team's glory and victory, or to suffer with them in defeat. And we know that either way we're celebrating or suffering along with all of the other members of the team. We're part of something simply because we believe. Even though we'll never meet most of the other members of our team, it is enough that we have this one common interest to unite us. People underestimate that, they really do.

People are frequently bitching about how much professional athletes are paid, and I'm right there with them. They make way too much money for playing a game. But the truth is, they aren't just playing a game and we aren't just watching one. We're experiencing it through their bodies. At its finest a sport transcends its rules to become a defining struggle. The men are warriors and the play is combat. They aren't simply fighting for a trophy, they're fighting to defy limitation and to touch greatness for the whole world to see. As fans their battle is also our own. Because if they succeed they have proven that you don't have to go see a movie to be inspired, to believe in something supernatural, because it exists here, right now. When that happens it can mitigate our own personal problems, if just for a moment, and release us to join in the elation and triumph of victory. On the surface, sure it was just a meaningless game resulting in a big piece of tin going to the winner. But for millions of people around the world, the significance is much deeper and the accomplishment means much more.

Transforming Your Pants

I know, what am I doing posting on a Thursday right? Mind your own damn business and pay attention, I've got a couple of things to say. On Tuesday, my lunch started at 12:00pm. At 12:03pm I was standing in line at Best Buy holding perhaps the best way a human being can spend 15 of their hard earned dollars. I was buying the newly released Transformers movie. If you have seen the movie, you know why I was so excited.

For those who haven't seen it, this movie will rock your socks clean off your feet. It's damn good. Why? Because of 3 story tall robots that can kick ass like the Power Rangers dorky whatever-atron never even dreamed of, and then transform on a whim into cars, tanks, airplanes, and the like, that's why. Aside from a 2 hour movie containing nothing but epic scenes of hot, naked women, this is perhaps the most boyish idea on the planet. God bless it for that. However, if that isn't enough to get you to shell out some cash to see this movie (and why the hell wouldn't it be?), I'm going to provide you with some further incentive. That incentive, is named Megan Fox.

Even though I purchased the movie Tuesday, I was unable to watch it because I'm a Red Sox fan and I was obligated to suffer through the tragedy that has been this ALCS. So last night, I sat down and gathered several of the people I'm related to, often referred to as "family", and told them to convene at the designated viewing area. I felt it necessary to introduce them to the majesty of the Transfomers. No, I'm not being paid by Dreamworks, but if they read this and feel the need to send me a check I'd be happy to cash it. Anyway, after watching the movie and crapping my pants not once, but twice, at it's utter and total awesomeness, I was reminded of something. This movie features one of the hottest women on the planet. Before the hype surrounding the movie promoted her, I'd never actually heard of Megan Fox. That was my loss. However, if you still don't know who she is, you just might be gay. That goes for boys and girls, no excuses. There are a lot of reasons she's hot, but I think that one that does it for me is the dark hair/light eyes combo that I find completely irresistible. So I felt compelled to come on here and let people know how hot she is and that it's absolutely worth buying the movie just to see her in it. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking Prove It aren't you? Well just so there are no doubters, I'll show you a quick glimpse of her hotness right here. Thank me later, right now, look at the pics.

WWW #9

Considering the topic of yesterday's post, I figured I might as well just keep it political. So here you go, this weeks Wednesday Words of Wisedumb:

A government should rule with its heart first, its head second, and its fist only when all else has failed. -JT

See ya.

Dirty Money In An Even Dirtier Game

So I was talking to my buddy the other day and he pointed out that although I have strong political views, my blog has yet to address this particular aspect of my views on life. I agreed that he made a valid point, and decided this week to make the blog a bit more political. Before I start however, I'd like to say a few things. First of all I am only 22 years old and I was born in a rural state, therefore my life experience is somewhat limited at this point. It should also be noted that I have only recently become interested in topics of a political nature and as a result I do not know everything there is to know about much of anything. My views are precisely that and because I have neither been exposed to every ideology, nor am I intelligent enough to have considered every possible position, I can only speak from my own limited experience. That is the only time I will say this. From here on out, expect me to present my views as though they are the only correct path and everyone else is retarded for not seeing things my way.

So the first thing most people want to know when you start discussing politics is whether you are speaking as a Democrat or a Republican. This speaks volumes about the partisan nature of politics in this country, but I'll wait for another day to get into that. The simple answer is that I do not consider myself a member of either party, and I will let my views speak for themselves in terms of my beliefs. I do not feel the need to categorize myself in this manner. If I were forced to choose one over the other I would probably say that my beliefs overall mesh better with the views of Republicans than Democrats, but it's hard to say. If you need a label I suppose I would consider myself a Classic Liberal. If you don't know what that means, look it up but do not confuse classic liberalism with modern or contemporary liberalism as they frequently have contrary views. I apologize for this long preamble, I'll get on with the post now.

So during this talk with my buddy the other day, I started talking about various problems with the government and politics in general. Unlike most people who do this, I was not referring to the war in Iraq in any capacity, but rather domestic issues. At one point I mentioned the problem with campaign financing as I saw it, and now I think maybe I'll talk about that here for a moment or two. Although in theory, and certainly as a matter of principle, I believe in a lassez-faire economy, I have recently become cynical of some aspects of direct free market capitalism. No, I'm not a fascist or a socialist in any sense, just hold on. What I hate are the unintended social consequences such as greed and corruption. This issue is, I believe, directly related to campaign finance in our current political climate. To quote what I said to my buddy, "Special interest campaign financing is a dirty finger in the asshole of our political system." Eloquent, don't you think? Here's the problem, and I know you've heard it before: large corporations with an agenda donate large quantities of money to political candidates and in return, they expect the candidate to vote agreeably to their own interests. For example, if a man running for president is financed largely by an insurance company, they might expect him to veto a bill currently in development that would place restrictions on the monopolistic and collusive nature of the insurance industry. This is commonly referred to as quid pro quo (literally translated: this for that) financing. The issue here is an obvious one, those with a lot of money and power use both to make the world a better place for them to live in while, in many cases, making it less pleasant for the rest of us. This issue is the center for most discourse on the topic, and deservedly so. The extent and frequency of this is debatable, but if it's happening at all it's a direct attack on liberty. But I'd like to talk about something else for a moment.

Do you know how much money was spent during the last presidential election? Somewhere in the ballpark of $5,000,000,000. Lot of zeroes, but just so we're clear that was 5 billion dollars. I'll get right to the point. Let's say I decide that I would like to make a difference and I talk to a few people and they say that they'd vote for me if I ran, so I toss my hat in the ring for presidential candidate. Cool, just a normal guy off the street running for the highest office in the country. Here's the problem though: I only make $60,000 a year. In addition, I know almost nobody in big business or political circles. How am I supposed to compete with those candidates who are raising hundreds of millions of dollars? I can't, end of story. I know that theoretically, if my message is strong and I'm a really good candidate, I should be able to snowball into a serious contender, but that just isn't realistic. People can't think your ideas are great if they never hear them, certainly not if they've never even heard of you at all. I fully believe that democracy is the best political ideology currently in existence. I believe that because it means the people are ruling themselves, from a selection of themselves. But politics, unfortunately, has come to rely strictly on politicians. It's not impossible for a regular, determined individual to run for office, but the barrier to entry is huge, and I see that as a contradiciton to the ideals of democracy. The high cost of running for office has created a quasi-aristocracy full of people from the same class and lifestyles, rather than a true cross-section of America.

That's the problem, but a decent solution has been elusive. In 2002 the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act attempted to fix these problems but it didn't go far enough. Those who oppose finance reform say that limited contributions also limit free speech. Because people should be able to voice their support monetarily for whoever they like. Those who say we need reform argue that the corruptions I have listed require us to take action. I don't plan on offering you a solution, I just wanted to shed light on the problem. There are, however, a couple of interesting ideas out there that blend public and private funding in a synergistic manner. We'll see where this goes in the near future.

For those who don't like the seriousness of this post, I promise that next week I'll lay off the politics. But I really feel that it's important for people to think about these things, if only once in a while. Especially young people such as myself. Find something that pisses you off and look into it. See what the opposing side says and strengthen your own argument. If you're really moved, do something to change it. Politics isn't just a boring, controversial subject, it's the way our world is being run and it affects each one of us. I love America but it's far from perfect. And if something about it isn't pissing you off at this very moment, you need to open your eyes.

WWW #8

Further encouragement to get out there and do something. Anything, just as long as it isn't the same thing you always do.

You’ll never find yourself if you don’t look outside of your routine. Your couch is a poor vehicle for the journey to self-realization. –JT

Conversely, it turns out couches are great for turning into fat, useless pieces of washed up potential. So, ya know, I guess it depends on what you want out of life. Until next time...

F*CK THE PO-LEECE!!

So this morning I was minding my own business, eating my Lucky Charms in front of the TV, when all of a sudden I see a cop beating the living crap out of a little girl. Then he takes out his gun, and at point blank range, shoots her in the face. Crazy right? Okay, the last part there with the shooting is a complete fabrication. Didn't happen. The first part, minus a slight embellishment, did though. This police officer, from where I didn't actually catch, was attempting to arrest and/or subdue a girl who I believe was 15 years old. I know, I didn't catch a lot of the details, but it was early and my brain requires a couple of hours to reboot every morning.

Anyway, this man is holding this girl with her hands behind her back, bent over the front of his cruiser and she's clearly not a big fan of the idea. She's struggling and wiggling and writhing to escape his grasp, or, at the very least, to avoid being handcuffed. At one point it seems that she decided it would be a good idea to bite the nice man's hand as they wrestled. He thought it wasn't. In a quick sequence he goes from pulling on her arms to straight up kidney punching her. Yeah. Approximately 1.5 seconds later, while she's still gasping from the punch, he rips out his pepper spray and blasts her in the face from about 2 inches away. Yeah again. I know what you're thinking: That must have been a huge 15 year old girl. I'm afraid not. I would estimate the weight of the girl in the video to be under 100 lbs by a small margin. Granted, I'm awful at guessing weight, but she was tiny. Oh yeah, and just to make things extra special, the little girl the big, bad white man was beating up, she was black. Yeah again...again.

Admittedly, I have very little experience trying to arrest little girls. So perhaps this is the way these things usually go. However, I have to believe that if I needed to arrest a little girl, I could overpower her simply enough. That's me, and I'm a 22 year old guy with no training whatsoever in this area. This was a veteran police officer. I'd like to think that even if it were a difficult task I'd manage without kidney punching her or using pepper spray so close to her face that it could cause permanent damage to her eyes (not my words, the "expert" on the news claimed this). Then they showed another recent video of officers tazering the living shit out of a woman who was disorderly (probably with a good helping of drunk as an appetizer). But they didn't just tazer her, they did it repeatedly. She fell into a car head first at one point and seemed stunned but when she got up they did it again. Hell, once they got her in the cruiser she was kicking around so they kept zapping her. WHEN SHE WAS IN THE CAR. A few weeks ago was the guy who got tazered half to death because he was aggressively asking John Kerry a question that nobody really cared about anyway. And just yesterday, in a truly tragic incident, a police officer interrupted a homecoming party and killed 6 kids. I don't believe they have a motive for that one yet, aside from the knowledge that one of them was his ex-girlfriend. Suddenly, I'm apprehensive about approaching a cop in a dimly lit part of town at night.

It seems to me that one of these tapes come out every month or so, with some police officer somewhere using excessive force on some poor man/woman/child. Few things piss me off more than police brutality. These are the people who are in a position of power and trust, supposedly to Protect and Serve us. How dare they. I'm not a member of the ACLU, and I'm generally not as sympathetic to the plight of others as this post may lead you to believe. However, it's pretty messed up when those who are supposed to be maintaining order so that we can live our lives without fear betray us and give us a new reason to be afraid. I'm not sure if police brutality is actually escalating or if it's simply technology which now allows us to catch more of the abusers, but I don't think it matters either way. Don't get me wrong, I favor limited rights for serious criminals (it is my belief that those who would deprive another citizen of their rights by, say, killing them, forfeit their own rights in the process), but the cases I'm talking about are when the officers are unprovoked or dealing with non-dangerous law breakers. I don't think we can live freely in a society where the enforcers of the law are allowed to willingly break them to achieve their own ends. We're better than that, we can't allow them to hide behind a blue wall. Yes, I realize it's dangerous and scary to be a police officer in the modern world, but I'm afraid that's the profession they chose. I mean, if a guy spit in my face and I had a night-stick handy, I'd probably feel free to loosen up a couple of his teeth with it. But I've never sworn any oaths about protecting our citizens or put myself in a position where I have a great deal of power and trust to uphold for them. Because of the nature of their duty, police should be held to a higher standard than the rest of us, not a lower one. And those who betray are trust should pay a dear price. Might I suggest giving that little girl a night-stick and some pepper spray while the assaulting officer is tied to a chair? Just a thought.

WWW #7

Here is this weeks Wednesday Words of Wisedumb:

The most unfortunate things happen to good people. This is in no small part because when bad things happen to people who deserve it, it really isn't so unfortunate. -JT

Until next week...

Finding Something in Nothing

So, as with many weekends before it, this past weekend was spent living the life of a depraved college student. Friday night was spent hanging out with some friends at an apartment before venturing down to the world of expensive drinks and cheap women; aka, downtown Burlington. One of the friends I was with was freshly pumped up by the book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max. If you've never heard of him, he's this giant prick of human being who does insane things involving alcohol and sex (one involves the other almost exclusively) and then writes about it to tell the world. The crazy thing is he may also be a genius, but that's for another post.

So my buddy and I get downtown, both full of beer and Jager. As it turns out, my buddy had apparently also been taking shots of bravado when I wasn't looking. He was in full on asshole/I'm-cool-enough-to-do-whatever-I-want mode. Friday night, for whatever reason, I was more amused by this than anything. I may have even egged him on, I don't know. The result was that we went from bar to line to bar to line pissing people off. Multiple fights were narrowly avoided and at the end of the night we were even kicked out of a cab. That last one was actually my fault. Just for a moment I'd like to focus on that little piece of factual recollection. Do you know how hard it is to get kicked out of a cab in a college town? Pretty darn, one would think. These people literally deal with drunken retards as a profession. Yet all it took for us was me informing - not even name calling because it was an undeniable fact - one of (I think only one) the girls sharing the taxi with us that she was a bitch. Seconds later we're on the sidewalk watching our taxi drive off. What led up to that is kind of a long story. Actually, it all occurred in about 1.5 city blocks, but it still seems like too much to write here. Anyway, big freaking deal, there happened to be another taxi 9 seconds away. Still, I'm a little impressed the driver cost himself some money by kicking us out over something so trivial.


Anyway, we did manage to get back home. When we did another argument which nearly led to a fight erupted due to drunkenness. That was resolved somewhat peacefully and we all went to bed shortly thereafter. The next morning, after the obligatory trip to Henry's Diner to make our lives right again, I played some Halo 3. That's an understatement. Me and my buddy actually played the damn game for approximately 6 or 7 hours straight. Then dinner interrupted, followed by some beers in front of the TV before doing whatever it was we were going to do. What we were going to do, it turns out, was sit in front of that TV all night and barely move. I did leave once to check out the worst keg party ever (guy to girl ratio? 17:1), but that was very brief. I mean very brief like under 10 minutes round trip. After a whole lot of TV and uh...just a little Halo 3, it was bedtime again. Then came the day of rest.

It was Sunday. It was fall. That means football. So we went to the store to by stuff to make nachos (and many, many cups of coffee) and sat in front of the TV to watch a couple of games that none of us cared about in any way at all. After doing that all day we rented a movie to prolong our couch time and watched it blissfully. An important thing to note here though: on the way to get the movie, we ended up behind what most be the only Ferrari F430 in Vermont. It was so awesome that even my ears got hard.

So now that I've recounted the basic step by step of my weekend, you might be wondering why I bothered. Well, because the truth is that sitting on the couch watching a game I didn't care about on Sunday, it occurred to me that maybe I was wasting my time. Maybe I should have been spending my time doing something productive. But then somewhere between our 4th trip to the grocery store and my 6th cup of coffee I was laughing my ass off with my buddies, having a great time and I realized that even though I didn't appear to do much on the surface, I had a great weekend. I mean it wasn't epic or unforgettable, it was pretty much a perfectly standard weekend in my life. But that realization lead me to another. My life isn't perfect or glamorous, but I still love it. I still aspire to be better than I am and I don't want to stay here doing the same thing indefinitely, but it's nice to realize that you're happy where you are right now, regardless of where you might be a year from now. Or two years, or 5, or 10. And if I can say that, I guess this weekend wasn't wasted at all.

WWW #6

This week some encouragement to get your ass out there and do something spontaneous:

The things we have our hearts set on are the things that end up most disappointing. It is the unexpected things that seemingly come from nowhere that are the greatest of our lives. -JT

Live it up.

Fall Up

For those of you who don't realize it, fall is officially here. Yesterday (Sunday) marked the official end of summer and the beginning of fall. For those taking notes at home, the proper term for this is the autumnal equinox. This day always falls between September 20th and 23rd and it marks a time when the day is equally divided into lightness and darkness. There's some fun trivia for you to throw around at a party, don't thank me. Anyway, I was disheartened to learn that summer was officially over because I absolutely love summer. I know a lot of people do, but it's damn close to a religious experience for me, I mean I really love it. After the initial shock I began to think about fall and why I dread it so much, because I do. It occurred to me that the only reason I dislike fall is that it's the opening act for winter. As one might deduce, being a summer lover means I'm also a winter hater.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I actually like fall a lot, as long as I don't think about it as the winter harbinger. Being a young guy, fall still makes me think of back to school. I have to admit that, even though I didn't really enjoy school, there was always a sliver of excitement in the misery pie that meant classes were starting again. New clothes, new year, new possibilities. The formative years spent in school are chaotic and confusing, and it always seemed like returning from summer vacation each year brought an entirely new student body into the classrooms. You change quick at a young age and sometimes a few months was all it would take for an ugly duckling to mature into a really hot chick. Of course after a few weeks you realize that people rarely change, not dramatically at least. That's when the death of excitement is official and the tyranny of normality takes over. I think that's what fall is, in a small way. If spring is the season of rebirth then fall is surely the season of death. Some might argue that winter is truly the season of death but it's really just the funeral. During the fall plants wither and die, the days grow shorter and darker and all the plans you had for the summer are slowly abandoned, left to rot in the dark recesses of garages across America. And life seems to slow down. Even though life is kind of crazy with kids going back to school and holidays on the horizon, to me the heartbeat of the world has always appeared to decelerate during autumn. Weather cools down and you pack away the shorts and t-shirts in favor of jackets and sweaters you haven't seen in 5 months. Less and less time is spent outside and before you know it you have to start your car before you leave in the morning, just to warm it up for the trip.

What I really like about fall is the vision in my mind of the season, the way it fills my head with a pleasant nostalgia. I've already mentioned going back to school but it also makes me think of watching high school sports in the bleachers with a group of friends and a blanket. Of going apple picking with my family and drinking warm cider with fresh apple donuts. I think of chopping wood outside with my father, doing my best to keep up as my cheeks burn a rosy red. I don't know why, but I've always thought of fall as pie season. I love pie and in the fall there are always more varieties to choose from than any other time of the year, provided my mom feels like baking. If she doesn't that's fine because fall is also football season and that means junk food with the guys in front of a television doing nothing but enjoying the most popular sport in America. I also think of fairs and festivals and eating maple cotton candy. I remember mountain biking through the mud and returning home exhausted to cups of hot chocolate. Fall is when I start renting movies instead of going to theaters to see them, hopefully cuddled under a blanket next to an attractive girl. And to me, the culmination of fall is Thanksgiving. The parade, the meal, the family. It's the last bit of that lazy, calm, friendly season I see in my head, before people go Christmas crazy and serious snow starts to fall. I know this has been a bit touchy-feely, maybe even a bit trite, but that's what fall does to me. I can't help myself, my picture of fall was painted by Norman Rockwell using hackneyed Americana as a canvas. For some reason I see in fall a vivid representation of what's right with our country. Not when I look out my window or wake up in the morning, but in my vision of what fall represents for me. It sounds crazy for a season to evoke such feelings but it is what it is. I hope your fall lives up to the one in my head. Happy autumn.

WWW #5

Hey guys, here ya go:

Each of us places our own interests above all others. If you asked a teacher how we could ensure the success of your society in the future he would tell you with education. A general would tell you the answer lies in our continued security. A judge would tell you that it will take a strict sense of justice. We all project a little of our self into the issues surrounding us. It makes sense that we want to fix the thing we see most clearly is broken. –JT

Until next week...

Dragon Bores

This post isn't going to have much of a point beyond me telling you about something I did this past weekend and warning you never to do it yourself. I'll come right out and say it: Do not, under any circumstances, go see the movie Dragon Wars. If you haven't heard of this movie, I'm not surprised, because I hadn't either. As a matter of fact it was just Friday night, during the Red Sox game at a party, that I heard of it myself. I'm just nerdy enough that I get really excited about dragon stuff. Why? Because they're big, flying, fire breathing frickin' dragons, that's why. So when I saw the preview (admittedly after having just a few drinks) my friends and I decided that we needed to see this film. This was not a good idea.

The movie was so bad it's hard to enumerate the actual elements that sucked. But for your benefit I'll try. The script was awful, the acting equally so and to top it all off the supposed "dragons" were actually just bigass snakes. No wings, no fire breathing (until the very end) and lots of not coolness. Sure that's a word. The movie was not only poorly done it wasn't even bad in a funny way. In fact, this is the first movie I have ever fallen asleep during at the theater. After it was over, which seemed to take roughly 5 or 6 hours, I felt dirty. I mean it, I feel like someone took advantage of me and not only that, it cost me money. This is a short post and it's not even enlightening, except to tell you that you really, really don't want to see this movie. Don't go see it in theaters, don't rent it when it comes out on video, neglect it like the ugly girl you accidentally fooled around with in high school. I'm not kidding about this, you should avoid it like the plague. Not only because it sucks harder than a Hoover, but because the people responsible for setting this movie loose on the public should be punished by a complete lack of revenue. I'm offended as a writer trying to get published that this huge piece of shit was made and that money was invested to bring it to fruition. Do not support this movie in any way shape or form. One last time I repeat myself, do not go see Dragon Wars. Even if you get drunk with your friends and decide that it looks ok, it's not. That is all.

WWW #4

Here it is:

We’re all weird, all human. I mean, what the hell is normal? We aren’t cut into smooth, straight lines; we’re jagged and misshapen, like puzzle pieces. We can never hope to be normal, never hope not to be weird. All we can do is look for other people whose imperfections and oddities perfectly match our own, just like pieces in a puzzle. –JT

Have a good week.

Crazy or Crazy Fun?

A couple of years ago a buddy of mine introduced me to an activity referred to as cliff jumping. It's as self explanatory as titles can get, but for those wondering it does indeed involve jumping off of cliffs. It started out with small cliffs, about 15-20 feet above the water. All things considered that isn't really that high, but the first time it's pretty scary; therein lies the appeal. More of my friends began doing it and before long were were going cliff jumping on almost a weekly basis. Just like any other addiction, adrenaline rushes require bigger, badder doses as you become accustomed to them. Therefore, as always happens, what started as15 feet climbed higher and higher, until we were jumping off of cliffs around 50 feet high with little hesitation. At one of our favorite spots is the "76 Footer" which causes multiple injuries every summer, some quite serious. I haven't attempted this jump yet, but I'm thinking about it. Bigger, higher, faster, longer. Such is the nature of cliff jumping.

I love cliff jumping for a few different reasons, but mainly because it allows me to be outside and swim, while at the same time scaring the shit out of me just a little bit. If it happens to be the first time I'm jumping a new cliff it actually scares the shit out of me a lot. But that's what I love about it. To some people 50 feet might not sound all that high. To some (like my family) it sounds like suicide. This dichotomy is essentially the point I'm headed towards. When you're standing on a rocky outcrop 50 feet above the water a lot goes through your mind. Most of these things revolve around the injuries you could potentially sustain if you were to, I don't know, land on your head somehow. As a guy you're also thinking about the other guys already in the water below taunting you if you back out. The one thing that enters everybody's head is a single question: Why did I step up to this ledge in the first place?

Everyone will have a different answer to that question. Maybe some of them were pressured there by friends, or tricked into a path where jumping was the only way down. But I think most people are there because they want to know something about themselves. Fear isn't something you need to stand on top of a cliff to find, it's all around us. Perhaps you're afraid of crashing every time you get on a plane, or of failing when your boss trusts you with a major project. It could be as simple as being afraid of approaching a girl at a bar or standing up to a jerk. We all have fears which we repeatedly concede to for one reason or another. I believe the reason most people willingly walk to the edge of a tall cliff to jump is that they want to know if they can stare into the abyss and give fear the finger. Of course you don't have to jump off a cliff to find out, but it certainly simplifies the equation. It's just you, the cliff and the water below you; the fear is tangible and identifiable. The cliff cannot be reasoned with to avoid confrontation, it cannot be intimidated or dissuaded. It isn't going to disappear if you procrastinate and it will never find pity on you. The act of cliff jumping is almost perfect for the confrontation of fear because almost no effort whatsoever is required of you. All you really have to do is take a single step and gravity will perform her duty perfectly for you. If you are standing on that cliff you certainly possess the ability to take the step and fall towards the water, but something holds you back. THAT is fear. When you look down at the water below and contemplate the jump you can damn near see fear's face, feel fear's hand against your chest, hear fear's voice whisper in your ear. In day to day life fear is obscured by many things, but on the cliff it's just the two of you, both equally exposed.

Those of us who jump understand that, we appreciate the ability to put ourselves in a situation where we can tackle fear head-on. If you give in to fear at that moment there are no excuses or justifications; fear won a victory over you. But if you can swallow hard and take that one step you can tell fear to go to hell the whole way down. Those who think we're crazy for doing this might say our victory was inconsequential, that nothing was actually gained by the dangerous jump. I wholeheartedly disagree. I would invite those people to try it, to experience the freedom and exhilaration that accompany a jump. Furthermore I contend that small, personal victories over fear lay the foundation for larger, more vital victories in the future. Ostensibly the jump may not have accomplished much, but perhaps it will teach you how to tap into your courage when necessary. Overcoming fear empowers you to do other things and it's a lesson not quickly forgotten. So this week get your ass out there and purposely terrify yourself. Just do something that scares you. Jump off a cliff, go mountain biking, go white water rafting, try a scary ride at an amusement park. Confront your mortality and put fear in its place. You might just learn to like it. After someone jumps off a cliff for the first time and their head comes up from underwater they either laugh or scream a war-cry of elation. And they smile. Every damn time, it's a certainty. That smile is fear losing its grip on them.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
-Anais Nin

WWW #3...Sort of

I realize that it's actually Thursday and my WWW is a day late, but I've been very busy this week and didn't have the time yesterday. Fortunately for me, hardly anybody is reading this thing yet so only about 4 people are even going to notice I missed it. On the other hand, maybe that isn't so fortunate...oh well. Here it is:

In regards to the opposite sex: hot is a display of confidence, cute is a lack thereof. -JT

Have a great weekend everyone.

My Expensive Morning

This past weekend, as with most weekends, I crashed at a house shared by 4 of my buddies. We party and hang out and have a good time. When there I've been parking in roughly the same spot for the past 4 or 5 months. So I was more than a little surprised to find my car, and many of my friends cars, ticketed on Sunday morning. Surprised, pissed, whatever you want to call it. Anyway, my buddy said a cop was out ticketing so I went to take a look and sure enough I was too late; there on my windshield was a little orange envelope. This wasn't the first time I'd been ticketed for parking in the "wrong" area of the little city, so I knew what to expect. In the past I've received tickets ranging from $10-15. It's annoying, but ultimately quite minor. So I knew what I was in for, that is, right up until I actually removed the envelope from under my wiper.

The $10 ticket I had received for parking on a Residents Only street turned out to be $45.
After months of parking there, one of the neighbors had actually called the police because so many non-residents had parked on their street. Contrary to what you may be thinking, I didn't make this discovery at noon or 1 o' clock. I pulled the ticket from my car at around 9am. In defense of the jerkoff who called the cops, I was technically parked illegally, as were the others who received tickets. However, it was still early and even with all of our cars parked where they were there was plenty of parking left on the street. If they'd waited about an hour or so, all but two of us would have been gone. I know that Sunday is the day of rest, but if you have nothing better to do than wake up to call the police about a few college kid's cars on your street where they shouldn't be, put yourself out of everyone else's misery. That's a dick move, because it just doesn't matter. Did they need the empty spaces to accommodate the people who weren't coming over to visit them?

This kind of thing always bothers me, because it costs me money for nothing. For those who have never visited Burlington, Vermont, there is enough parking for approximately 1/3rd of the population. So, yeah, people park in Resident Only parking. Why? Because they have to park somewhere without walking a mile to get to their destination. Call me crazy, but I think we should all have that right. $45 is quite a bit if you're broke. How much did the city make off of our inconvenience? Well I believe 8 of us were ticketed, so that's $360. Not bad for about 10 minutes of work for a single officer, especially considering the "crime" didn't actually affect anyone negatively.

I'm pissed for reasons previously stated, and I was hoping some people might be able to share some sympathy. It's a ridiculously stupid way to spend $45 when I need a pair of pants or a tank of gas or maybe even some food. God forbid I spend my money on something I need when I have the audacity to park innocently in front of someone's home while both of their cars are in their driveway. Aside from a bit of therapeutic venting, I suppose this post doesn't have much in the way of a point. But if, per chance, you see someone doing something which bothers you for any reason...take a moment to decide whether it's really doing you any harm. Hell, maybe even try to put yourself in their place to understand the motivations for their annoying behavior. If you're an angry, middle-aged man who lives off of East Ave in Burlington, maybe that just means remembering what it's like to be young again, having fun with your friends.

WWW #2

As promised, here is this weeks Wednesday Words of WiseDumb:

Tomorrow is gone, and today you were given a gift. The sunrise brought with it a chance to make it all right again. Forget the mistakes, hesitations, fears and obsessions of the past. Today starts now, and it’s not too late. It’s not too late to fix what’s broken, not too late to start all over again. Today is an ocean of limitless possibility, embrace it. –JT

See you next week.

NASCAR Sucks

I've heard that NASCAR is the fastest growing sport in America, and for that I am sorely disappointed with all of us. NASCAR is perhaps the dumbest sport (and I use the term loosely) that I can think of. I'd rather watch curling any day of the week. In fact the only positive thing I have to say about NASCAR is that I think it's beginning was very cool and in a way embodied the historically rebellious nature of America. It's hard not to be intrigued by the bootleggers in their highly modified cars outrunning lawmen all over the country. However, after it's humble and exciting roots the sport grew decadent and boring. I mean, really, 500 laps? I know I'm not the only person who has watched a race and literally begged God for a crash to make something exciting happen. I've argued with many fans over the years and not a single one has been able to dissuade me. I'm sorry if I don't find the drivers incredibly skilled, but I can turn left all day too.

Just a short while ago I was flipping through the channels on television and I stumbled onto a NASCAR race which was about to begin. I paused for a moment because I heard the men talking about a road course and up to that point I was blissfully unaware that NASCAR drivers ever drove on something other than an oval. I thought maybe I was about to be proven wrong, that maybe the race would be exciting and captivating. It was not, and after several minutes my respect for the "sport" declined even more. Driver after driver bitched about hating road courses and how it wasn't one of their strengths. I'm sorry, but if you drive a car for a living and then say that driving on a real race course isn't one of your strengths, ask a friend to run you over. Then the commentators starting talking about how difficult road courses are and the additional stress they put on the cars brakes and tires and transmission. The whole time I was watching in disbelief, because any other kind of racing considers these things part of the sport. I then watched the beginning of the race and I found myself staring at what had to be one of the easiest looking road courses in the history of auto racing. The slowest "corner" was somewhere around 75mph. It is certainly still possible to slide off course with such broad, sweeping curves, but it's not terribly likely. If these men really were skilled behind the wheels of their cars, this course didn't ask them to prove it.

I lived just outside of Daytona Beach for a while after high school, and there NASCAR is so canonical that to be a detractor in the area is dangerous. I almost got my ass kicked on more than one occasion for voicing my opinions against NASCAR. This, of course, lead me to hate the "sport" and many of its fans even more. I defy you to find a larger redneck gathering than a NASCAR race. Anyway, just a little while ago ESPN had a tournament to discover who people thought to be the greatest athlete currently in sports. Jeff Gordon was on the list and actually made it past the first few rounds. Now, for all I know Jeff is a fantastic athlete and could kick my ass in any number of sports. That having been said, he was on the list as a driver and I can't help but find it completely absurd that sitting in a car and turning left, however hot it might get in there, is enough to qualify someone as a tremendous athlete.

Clearly I'm biased, because I despise NASCAR so completely, but if it really is the fastest growing sport in America then I suggest people try watching superbike racing or Formula 1. I think it would be difficult to be impressed with NASCAR after seeing the truly intense racing these motorsports offer. If I want to watch cars racing, I'll turn on Formula 1 and see the greatest drivers in the world driving the most advanced cars on the planet. But if, for some reason, I find the urge to watch guys drive around a circle in Monte Carlo's with 20+ year old carbureted, pushrod technology, I'll know where to go.

First Ever WWW

I noticed that the address for this blog does not start with a www as most websites do. And while I claim to be something of a noncomformist and I truly believe change is good...I can't help but desire some www on this page. Call it sentimentality, perhaps it will give me a false sense of security, I'm not sure. Starting today I will post a Wednesday Words of WiseDumb (WWW) every Wednesday. It's just my little way of helping you get through humpday with your sanity intact. Wondering what it is? Well I'm going to tell you anyway.

For a long time now I've had an obsession with quotes. Famous quotes, obscure quotes, movie quotes, doesn't matter. Anything that excited or inspired me was added to a collection that is now remarkably huge. After a while I decided I would write my own thoughts down in a concise manner, much like the quotes I enjoyed. So I started saving small phrases from all sorts of places (other things I'd written, random thoughts, pieces of larger ideas) and called them quotes by me. They vary in length, depth and subject, but I think there are some genuinely good things in there. So every Wednesday afternoon I'll post one on here for people to read and let them think about it or talk about it or disagree with me over it. Anything really. Here is the first such WWW:

In the great sea of regret which we all occasionally swim in, that thing which should be missed most is the life that might have been lived had our courage been great enough to live it.
–JT

Let me know what you think guys, all comments, criticisms and discussions are welcome. Happy Humpday.

Struggling Writer On Display

Hello, my name is Josh Taylor and as you can see, I'm a struggling writer. We're just like struggling actors but we can fail to become published even if we're good looking. Anyway, several months ago I decided I would like to become a writer. So I quit a decent job and started waking up early every morning to write a book. A month and a half later, I had a final-ish draft of a manuscript. That, it turns out, is the easy part. After a long process (several months) of writing letters and mailing them to various agencies, I was turned down by everyone I got in contact with.

That's alright, failure is the key to success I think, so we persevere. That's where this blog comes in. It just so happens that reputable magazines and newspapers are reluctant to hand over weekly columns to unpublished 22 year olds who went to school for business, not writing. So today, as I was shoveling a big pile of dirt (long story), it occurred to me that perhaps I should take some initiative and start a blog. I figured I could throw the link on Myspace and Facebook and see what people thought of my ranting.

I did this because a very funny thing happens when you're unemployed: you get increasingly lazy. You see, laziness is just like anything else, the more you practice the better you get at it. And when you can wake up at any time you want to and do as much or as little as possible, you tend to choose the latter. When I had a job and I woke up on my days off I would get to work and just pound out the chores and errands. 6 or 7 in a day, no problem. And that was while I was relaxing and enjoying not being at work. It was me time. Now I make a list of 6 or 7 things at the beginning of the week and pick one to do each day. It goes like this: Today is Tuesday, I need to grocery shop and do laundry. Whoa, accidentally overscheduled there, need to calm things down a bit. Laundry doesn't require leaving the house, lets do that. Grocery shopping will fit nicely into my day tomorrow. It's sad and pathetic and I think that most people who are (semi)willingly unemployed can attest to the accuracy of that portrait.

So the reason behind this semi-pretentious, vaguely narcissistic tribute to myself is to keep me writing on a regular basis and to do it in a very public way. This, as many writers will tell you, is the hardest part of writing. Letting other people actually see what you've written and making yourself vulnerable to their feedback and criticisms. It doesn't make sense, because of course the writing is being done so it will be read, but insecurity rarely relies on reason for it's own existence. Anyway, I'll finish up by sharing my vision of this blog with you. I plan on writing here once or twice a week on absolutely any-damn-thing that tickles my fancy and gets me excited. Sports, cars, women, politics, drinking, bodily functions, who knows. This is me in the actual act of struggling as a struggling writer. I hope you enjoy the show, I look forward to it.