NASCAR Sucks

I've heard that NASCAR is the fastest growing sport in America, and for that I am sorely disappointed with all of us. NASCAR is perhaps the dumbest sport (and I use the term loosely) that I can think of. I'd rather watch curling any day of the week. In fact the only positive thing I have to say about NASCAR is that I think it's beginning was very cool and in a way embodied the historically rebellious nature of America. It's hard not to be intrigued by the bootleggers in their highly modified cars outrunning lawmen all over the country. However, after it's humble and exciting roots the sport grew decadent and boring. I mean, really, 500 laps? I know I'm not the only person who has watched a race and literally begged God for a crash to make something exciting happen. I've argued with many fans over the years and not a single one has been able to dissuade me. I'm sorry if I don't find the drivers incredibly skilled, but I can turn left all day too.

Just a short while ago I was flipping through the channels on television and I stumbled onto a NASCAR race which was about to begin. I paused for a moment because I heard the men talking about a road course and up to that point I was blissfully unaware that NASCAR drivers ever drove on something other than an oval. I thought maybe I was about to be proven wrong, that maybe the race would be exciting and captivating. It was not, and after several minutes my respect for the "sport" declined even more. Driver after driver bitched about hating road courses and how it wasn't one of their strengths. I'm sorry, but if you drive a car for a living and then say that driving on a real race course isn't one of your strengths, ask a friend to run you over. Then the commentators starting talking about how difficult road courses are and the additional stress they put on the cars brakes and tires and transmission. The whole time I was watching in disbelief, because any other kind of racing considers these things part of the sport. I then watched the beginning of the race and I found myself staring at what had to be one of the easiest looking road courses in the history of auto racing. The slowest "corner" was somewhere around 75mph. It is certainly still possible to slide off course with such broad, sweeping curves, but it's not terribly likely. If these men really were skilled behind the wheels of their cars, this course didn't ask them to prove it.

I lived just outside of Daytona Beach for a while after high school, and there NASCAR is so canonical that to be a detractor in the area is dangerous. I almost got my ass kicked on more than one occasion for voicing my opinions against NASCAR. This, of course, lead me to hate the "sport" and many of its fans even more. I defy you to find a larger redneck gathering than a NASCAR race. Anyway, just a little while ago ESPN had a tournament to discover who people thought to be the greatest athlete currently in sports. Jeff Gordon was on the list and actually made it past the first few rounds. Now, for all I know Jeff is a fantastic athlete and could kick my ass in any number of sports. That having been said, he was on the list as a driver and I can't help but find it completely absurd that sitting in a car and turning left, however hot it might get in there, is enough to qualify someone as a tremendous athlete.

Clearly I'm biased, because I despise NASCAR so completely, but if it really is the fastest growing sport in America then I suggest people try watching superbike racing or Formula 1. I think it would be difficult to be impressed with NASCAR after seeing the truly intense racing these motorsports offer. If I want to watch cars racing, I'll turn on Formula 1 and see the greatest drivers in the world driving the most advanced cars on the planet. But if, for some reason, I find the urge to watch guys drive around a circle in Monte Carlo's with 20+ year old carbureted, pushrod technology, I'll know where to go.